Top Six

Well the weeks are flying by and the finale is next week. I am so pumped that another season starts in September. Last nights routines were pretty good. I had my favorites of course and I am pretty sure that I know who is going home tonight - as sad as it will be. Here is my ranking of the dance numbers from last night.

1. The 3 boys routine

2. The 3 girls routine

3. Kayla and Brandon Contemporary

4. Melissa and Evan Broadway

5. Jeanine and Ade Hip Hop

6. Melissa and Evan Quick Step

7. Kayla and Brandon Disco

8. Jeanine and Ade Samba

BEST COUPLE OF THE NIGHT: Brandon and Kayla. I just don't like Disco.

BEST GIRL OF THE NIGHT: Jeanine. She is always flawless.

BEST GUY OF THE NIGHT: Brandon. His solo was really very good.

WORST COUPLE OF THE NIGHT: Meliisa and Evan. They didn't get any amazing routines. But I thought that they did well in what they had. I still love Evan and thought he held his own with his solo and in the Broadway and Boys numbers. This is why I don't think he will leave just yet.

WORST GIRL OF THE NIGHT: Melissa. She wasn't terrible but the others just outshine her.

WORST BOY OF THE NIGHT: Ade. He did not really stand out anywhere for me. He got lost.

That being said...

The bottom 4 dancers will be: Kayla and Melissa; Ade and Evan

The good bye girl: Melissa

The good bye boy: Ade

Color Me Suprised

As the final countdown to unemployment begins, I have been thinking a lot about the future and where I want it to go and what I want to do. I have mental blueprints and checklists and charts for the hows and whys of my life. These simple outlines make me feel better. But then when I think of my past and what led me to this point, it is filled with messy and complicated answers to what I thought were simple questions at the time. And all of this thinking has brought me to these musings:

I used to believe that things were very black and white. There were good choices and bad choices. There were rules to follow and consequences for breaking those rules. And I lived by the rules and made the "right" choices. I did what I needed to make my parents, God and my husband happy and proud.

When my life starting unraveling this year, that was not part of my plan at all. I had followed all the rules and done what was right and still my life was filled with messy grayness. All of my black and whiteness started bleeding in to each other and I had a hard time understanding how something so "bad" could happen to someone so "good". It didn't make sense to me. But the hits just kept on coming and I started to live in the gray. I waited for the next big thing to happen to me and kept living in preparation for the shoe to drop and for the little earthquakes that would shake up my foundation and threaten to crack them. I learned to appreciate the gray because it was at least stable. Not good or bad, just in between.

Now that I am moving forward and making new life choices for myself... I have felt myself gravitating toward a different train of thought. Instead of waiting for the next disaster, I am using the in between time to be proactive and to make sure that my foundation is that much stronger when it gets shaken again. It is inevitable that it will get shaken at some point and in some form. There is a push and pull to life. As it has been said, life is a give and take. And part of that is understanding that God gives and takes away. I may not understand how or why and I certainly can not plan it. But I refuse to live in fear of it. I do not want to be a victim of my life. I want to take these broken pieces and make a mosaic.

I hate thinking that life is a serious of heartaches and disappointments that I just drift between. How depressing. I will have heartache and disappointment, but also so much life. Things are not black and white. Good things happen to bad people and sometimes things come easiest for people who try the least. And this is not fair. But... it is a give and take. And I find that when we enjoy that beautiful in between and learn to color it with a grateful spirit it paints a much prettier picture. Once again it all comes down to attitude and being willing to be the blank canvas and allowing God to color me with experiences and to blur those solid lines I have drawn for myself and my life.

Boxes, Boxes and more Boxes

So far this weekend has sort of dragged by. Normally I would be glad for the feel of a long weekend, but I am working this weekend and so I am not feeling quite as relaxed. I have taken this time at the house, without baby, to pack up for our impending move. So I have been a busy bee over the last few days going through our stuff and weeding out the junk from the keepsakes. It is a necessary process, with some benefits. But it also creates that moving mess in the house and makes me feel just dusty and dirty. Which brings me to my other project... cleaning everything. I HATE that part. When latex gloves are involved you know it won't be pretty.

With all of this work I have had to add in some breaks. Last night I went to see "500 Days of Summer" by myself. I liked the movie a lot, but it made me sort of introspective and I had a little cry on the way home. The only thing that I didn't enjoy about the movie was the couple sitting behind me. The woman was one of those movie watchers that had a comment about everything. She would commentate on dialogue, finish sentences and provide the oohs and aahs and oh no's that others were feeling but didn't say. I sort of wanted to turn around and give a look that implied "be quiet or else". But instead I just rolled my eyes to myself and tried to tune out her white noise. And then for whatever reason I was craving CiCi's pizza afterward. So I looked on my cell phone and found 3 locations for local CiCi's. And wouldn't you know that I drove around for fifteen minutes to get my pizza because the first 2 locations were closed. I have never enjoyed cheap pizza more.

Today I went to the movies again with my parents and aunt to see "The Ugly Truth". Now I am back and I have all my cleaning supplies out but I am procrastinating the duties by writing this blog. I can't get motivated to do the work. But baby comes home tomorrow and I need to get this done. So I better get going. Only 4 more days to go. Yikes!!!

Top 8 is really great?

Well, we are down to the top 8 dancers this week. And because of this very fact I expected tomight's show to be really good. And it was so BORING!! At least the first hour. I almost turned off the show after that but decided to keep it on just in case. And I am glad that I did because the last 3 dances were pretty darn good. It seemed that all of the latin and ballroom dances were on slow motion and they dragged on and on for me. But then Jeanine and Brandon did their pop jazz routine and I was excited. Following that was the Ade and Melissa contemporary piece about breast cancer and I was crying along with the judges and everyone else. It was very moving and I think it probably saved her from going home. And the night ended well with Jason and Kayla's hip-hop Zombie routine. Those 3 dances saved an otherwise forgettable night. And also, what was Janette's solo about? Where was the salsa dancing? Infact, where was the dancing, period? Not a fan. Again, top solo honors go to Evan, Jeanine and now, Ade. Here are my predictions:

BOTTOM TWO BOYS:

Ade and Jason, I think Evan may have squeaked by with his solo

BOTTOM TWO GIRLS:

Jeanine and Kayla, although I think it should be Janette

GOODBYE BOY:

Jason

GOODBYE GIRL:

Kayla

Disaster Relief

It has just turned 10:00 here in Houston,TX and this little lady is T-I-R-E-D. I got a good nights sleep, but my day has been a bit of a disaster. To be more specific, my day has suffered from the effects of Hurricane Luke. And for all mothers out there, you know exactly what I am talking about. The two year old body is something else. It is up and down and round and round without stopping or resting. And when the 2 year old body runs out of gas, it can go hours and hours on fumes alone. And for a large part of today I followed in the wake of my tazmanian devil smelling his stinky fumes and growing more exhausted with every step. But to give a more realistic picture, I give you the anatomy of my day:

The Lord heard my silent prayers and allowed Luke to sleep until 8:30 am.

Shower, breakfast and some cartoons followed.

Played with other kids downstairs and then cried when we had to go upstairs.

Rocked him for 30 minutes until he fell asleep for nap.

30 minutes later... he woke up and would not go back to sleep.

Mommy tucked him in on the sofa to watch Nemo while I folded clothes.

A little voice begged for "Momma, lay down" so momma laid down hoping to take a nap.

Nemo ended and momma and baby are still awake.

Playing and painting.

Painting turns into crying when Luke jabs himself in the face with the paintbrush. Sobbing ensued.

Luke climbs onto the bathroom counter and starts hamming it up with his reflection in the mirror.

The empty clothes hamper becomes a cave for crawling in.

Dinner with Nana, PawPaw and Aunt Roo. Pretty good spirits all around.

Terror begins when we arrive home, with boxes, at 7 pm:

Luke throws the folded clothes on the floor.

Luke climbs into and around boxes and rips a few in the process.

Luke throws toys and shoes all over the room.

Luke wants a bottle so mommy cleans some out.

Luke grabs a box of kleenex and shreds some tissue on the ground.

Luke grabs some clean bottles and spreads their pieces all over the living room.

Luke gets a bottle, but refuses to drink it.

Mommy rocks Luke for 10 minutes and puts him to bed.

Luke wakes up and cries.

Mommy lies on the floor beside the crib and rubs his back through the bars.

Luke grabs mommy's hand throught the crib bars and falls asleep holding hands with mommy.

Mommy wipes a tear and thanks God for such a sweet baby.

Leslie 101

Not that long ago I was reading some of my friend Sara's old blog posts. She is a funny girl and something she wrote caught my eye and got me thinking. Sara had written a list of 100 facts about her. I thought that was interesting and I tried to do that for myself. I figured it would increase my self-awareness if nothing else. The first 25 were hard to come by and I thought I was really boring. But I pushed on and I came up with a whopping 115 facts about me, at present. And so, I would like to share these facts with you and also encourage you to make a list of your own. You'll be surprised how interesting you are!
These are in no particular order of interest.

1. I get excited when I hear the Hannah Montana theme song.
2. I drink iced tea by the gallon, which is why...
3. I have had 3 kidney stones and always feel like another is on the way.
4. While I like a clean house, my car is always dirty.
5. Every time I grocery shop I end up handing the cashier at least 2 items that I have decided I don't really need.
6. Every year I make a list of my top five favorite actors, actresses and movies.
7. I love to make and eat spaghetti and meatballs.
8. I am very, very clumsy.
9. I feel guilt when I don't return my grocery cart to it's designated coral.
10. I've read every Jodi Picoult book.
11. Ray Lamontagne and Michael Buble are nearly always in my cd player.
12. Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite books.
13. Ryan Reynolds and Shia Lebeouf are climbing my charts!
14. I constantly think about what song I would sing on American Idol for each genre.
15. There is something about Nicolas Cage and Kirsten Dunst that I just can't stand and can't explain why.
16. I google everything.
17. I know every word to "Shoop" by Salt 'N Pepa
18. 3 of my 10 favorite movies are musicals
19. My best friend has been my best friend since 8th grade.
20. My sister's wedding marks my 7th time being a Bridesmaid, but first time as Maid of Honor.
21. I do not like orange juice or milk.
22. I seldom eat chicken and never eat steak.
23. I talk to myself at least once a day.
24. I am team Pacey, not team Dawson.
25. I just started eating sushi this year.
26. I have had the same cell phone number for five years.
27. I only blow dry my hair about twice a week.
28. I frequently go in to the grocery store and read a whole US Weekly and then put it back without buying it.
29. I HATE to lose and often pad my team to prevent it.
30. I keep a book of who I've loaned books to.
31. I have no problem dog-earring my own books, but I do not like other people dog-earring the books I loan them.
32. When out, I like to sit in the middle seat of a crowd of people.
33. I like going to the movies alone.
34. I consider myself gifted at making up songs on the spot to express my thoughts and feelings or as a conversation.
35. I snore.
36. I love jeans and a t-shirt.
37. I rarely chew gum.
38. I don't like cinnamon flavored food or drinks.
39. I wave at the camera when I drive through the toll booth.
40. I think CROCS are wonderful footwear.
41. My hair is naturally blond and very wavy.
42. I talk to my mom at least once a day.
43. If I hear that a book is being made into a movie, I have to read the book first.
44. I have no idea how to match make-up to my skin tone.
45. Headaches freak me out.
46. I have never been drunk.
47. When I play Rock Band, I love to play the drums.
48. I want to become a better whistler and practice all the time.
49. The Sonic commercials crack me up.
50. I hate Mayonnaise and anything that smells or looks like it.
51. I got fired from Chipotle but I still love to eat there.
52. When I go on a vacation, I buy a card deck as a souvenir.
53. I laugh at my own jokes.
54. I am planning a choreographed dance for my sister's wedding reception.
55. I frequently have dreams and usually I remember them.
56. I love river water, but not lake water.
57. I can not stand Oprah, but I like her book club.
58. I only own 1 belt.
59. I do not own any high heeled shoes.
60. My best time of day is between 5 and 9 pm.
61. Nick Jonas is my favorite Jonas brother.
62. I watch White Christmas and Elf every Christmas.
63. We rent a Red Box movie once a week.
64. All my friends love Gilmore Girls, but I never could get into it.
65. Dwight Schrute is my favorite Office character.
66. In my opinion, Harry Potter is preferred over Twilight.
67. I like the idea of online dating.
68. I am highly anticipating the new season of Project Runway.
69. I buy Huggies diapers because I can't stand Pampers.
70. Spicy foods make me really sick to my stomach.
71. My family calls me banana or nana head, but I don't really care for bananas.
72. This season was my first time watching American Idol.
73. I do not do well with whining.
74. I prefer Matt Damon to Ben Affleck.
75. I am NOT looking forward to my 10 year high school reunion - sorry Sara.
76. Toy Story is my favorite animated movie. I wore out my VHS from watching it so much.
77. I laugh insanely hard at Judd Apatow movies and then feel bad about it later.
78. My goal is to be able to run 5 miles straight.
79. When Luke was little I started laughing like the dough-boy when he poked my belly button and now I have to do that every time because he thinks it's funny.
80. I crave McDonald's chicken nuggets with Sweet and Sour sauce.
81. I have to sleep with the fan on.
82. I can not stand the way my sister says "memorable" or "M. Night Shamalayan".
83. I look in the $5 movie bin every time I go to Wal Mart but I have never bought a movie from there.
84. Every year, I print and fill out a ballot for the Oscars.
85. I am over Will Ferrell.
86. I love everything 80's.
87. I do not do well with old people, except my grandparents.
88. For some reason I love Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
89. When I am stressed, I get tension headaches from popping my jaw.
90. I can't get the FreeCreditReport.com songs out of head after I hear the commercials.
91. Sometimes I can start singing a song when I get in the car and then when I turn on the car radio that song is on.
92. I have seen every episode of Friends at least 3 times.
93. I am very good at remembering faces.
94. I am obsessive about taking pictures and having them developed.
95. I hate it when people say "believe you me".
96. Sometimes I make myself cry in the shower just to get it all out.
97. I think I am good at volleyball.
98. My family think I am the "raunchy" one.
99. I am not good at saving money, but I do have a savings account with money in it.
100. My idea of a dream vacation is a Mediterranean Cruise.
101. I know useless trivia about celebrities and pop culture.

So there you go. 101 fun facts about me! I hope you learned something new today.

Taking the Plunge

Well, it has been a few days since I posted and much has happened since then. I guess the major thing is that I gave two weeks notice at my job on Monday. That's right, I quit. What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking of my future and what is best for me and my baby. With that being said... I am on to other endeavors. I am now enrolled at Lonestar College to go back to school full time to get my Associates of Arts degree in Teaching. I start on August 24th. I will be moving back in with my parents and hopefully working part-time as well. I am not a person who likes change and this has been a year of changes for me. I am stepping off of a cliff that ahs been beckoning me for some time and I am trusting that everything will be ok and that it will all work out for the best.
Luke and I are still hanging in there and rolling with the punches. Big things are in our future and I am excited to start something new. And I am excited to learn again in a school setting. We move out next week and then everything changes. I am feeling nervous, excited, scared and... well, I don't know. Thanks to Gracewood for the experiences you gave me and the opportunities you afforded me. And thanks to mom and dad for taking in their daughter and grandson, again. What would we wayward children do without the open arms and doors of parents who love us?

Top Ten

Well, last night I was busy watching the new Harry Potter movie with my sister. So I missed the actual performances. Thankfully I was able to catch up today during Luke's nap time so that I can watch the vote off tonight. As the weeks roll on it gets harder for me to see the dancers go home and harder to tell who should. Last week I was certain who should go and they did. This week is not so cut and dry.

For the group dances... I liked the girls, but could not get in to the guys routine. Something about the movement was too chaotic for me. I actually felt that way about several of the solos as well.

My FAVORITE dances of the night were...

Jason and Jeanine's Contemporary piece. By far the best piece of the night. I really really liked it. It was convincing and entertaining. Both seemed at ease and relaxed for the first time. I am glad they lost their baggage last week.

and Kayla and Evan's Viennese Waltz. Even though their was a height difference I enjoyed their movement and the flow of the dance. It seemed elegant to watch. I want them to get off of Evan's back and give him a good review every once in a while. I am fine with Kayla and I think she is a good dancer but she is kind of a robot when it comes to personality.

My MIDDLE ROAD dances was...

Ade and Janette's Hip Hop. This was a fun number but sort of spazzy in parts. I thought it was nice to see Ade have a personality in his routine.

My PASS routines were...

Melissa and Brandon's Broadway number. This saddened me because I like both of these dancers. I think it was something about the music and the feel of it that I didn't care for. I did enjoy their dancing but I was not that impressed overall. I hope they both stay though.

and Kupono and Randi's Paso Doble routine. This was a snooze fest. I didn't even finish it and I definitely didn't need to hear the judges remarks to know it was a bomb.

As far as the solos went... I only really liked Evan's and Jeanine's. The others were OK, with some weird song choices by Ade and Jason. I am hoping that Evan's solo will earn him some votes and save him from going home.

I think the bottom 3 couples will be Kayla and Evan, Kupono and Randi and Melissa and Brandon. My pick to go home is Kupono and Randi. Although I think Evan's number is almost up. I think he has another week in him for sure. Cant wait to see if I am right.

And as for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince... if I didn't love the book so much I might have enjoyed the movie a lot more. However, I recently read the book to prepare for the movie and having it fresh in my mind really made the differences stand out. The movie is a diluted version of the book, without all the bells and whistles. A lot of the action was removed from the story altogether. There were even some scenes that were added in that didn't seem necessary or substantial to the plot. I really liked the look of the movie and I thought that they actors seemed more comfortable - especially Daniel Radcliffe - and therefore gave better performances. But one of my favorite characters, Neville Longbottom, was reduced to background scenery and had only one line. And Malfoy was a little too over-the-top for me. He was practicing some serious smell-the-fart acting. All that was missing was the diabolical laughter. I guess I would say, read the book. you will get a more complete and rich story then if you just watch the movie. But don't take my word for it...

What's Cookin' in our Kitchen

Today was such a Monday. It was hard to wake up and then it just seemed to go on and on. I got some things checked off of my to-do list and made room for some impromptu things. I think the high in Houston was 105 today. That is ridiculous! So I let me son swim in the backyard while I sweat it out reading my book. And wouldn't you know that after all the trouble of blowing the pool up and filling it with water, Luke only swam in the pool for a total of 5 minutes of the hour we were out there. He was much more interested in the swing set and the playhouse, which he plays with everyday. Oh well.

Speaking of my kiddo. Today marked a milestone... he climbed out of his crib after nap time. I guess I took too long to respond to his calls on the monitor. But when I threw open his bedroom door, it hit him in the head and knocked him on the floor. I was not expecting him to be behind the door. And for the life of me I don't know how he climbed out of there. He had a heck of a red bump on his head for about 30 minutes though.

And... Luke is talking up a storm now. He refers to himself as "boy", in pictures he can identify everyone and then when you point to him he says "boy". He will also identify his cup as "boy's". It is so funny how their little minds work. Lately he has also become very fond of the word "sleepy" and "tired". He climbs into the bed and lays down and says "I'm sleepy, momma". But really he just lays down and pretends to sleep and is up after a few seconds. It is a trick. I learned that pretty quickly. But the interesting part is that when he is pretending to sleep he does this sound that I have come to identify as snoring. I am 100% positive that he has picked this up from me and has associated that with the lullaby of sleep. How embarrassing.

Oh and one last baby anecdote for the day... Luke has these two animals that stay in his recliner all the time: Elmo and his dad's old teddy bear. Today he brought them both to the bed and wanted to put them to sleep. He laid them under the covers and said, "shhh, Elmo sleepy". So we whispered for a while. And then he picked Elmo up and, at my prompting, gave him a hug and a kiss. It was so sweet. He carried that Elmo around for a while this morning just loving in him and patting his back while he slept. I just love watching him interact with his world and imitate what he sees.

Overall it was a pretty descent Monday. Here's hoping that the rest of the week runs as smooth. My parents are in San Fransisco on vacation this week and so I am missing them. But Rachel and I have Harry Potter on Wednesday and I am psyched about that. I'm sure you will hear more from me this week. Until then...

The Best Laid Plans...

This weekend was supposed to be full of friends and fun, at least according to my plans. However, the friends part didn't work out and so I was left to find my own fun. At first I was disappointed in this quest for fun, because it seemed like work. My week has been emotionally challenging and I was looking for the easy fun and laughter of friends. But... I set out on this weekend with an open mind and agenda. And that has been quite refreshing. So far this weekend I have seen two movies (by myself), The Proposal and Transformers 2. Both were entertaining. I also went to Borders (of course) and Starbucks. I finished the book I was reading and started another. I also got to resume work on my scrapbook. I really love to scrap but never seem to have the time. So on Friday night I pulled out all my scrapbook fixins and spread them all over the floor and set to work. But my DVD player broke on Friday and so I was worried about what I might watch while I scrapped on Saturday night. Not to fear, ABC family was playing a Harry Potter movie marathon on Saturday and Sunday. So I nestled in to my craft project with the wonderful sounds of Harry Potter playing in the background. And let me say that it was magical. This morning I was bad and slept in. I missed church but I feel very well rested. My day is wide open and I am hoping to scrapbook and read a little before I pick up Luke and go the grocery store.
Although this weekend did not go as planned, it has been just what I needed. That just goes to show that we don't always know best. I was glad for my alone time. I hope your weekends were equally as fulfilling.

Time is On Your Side, Yes it is

Well, not today it wasn't. Today, time and I were moving in separate circles. There were a million things I needed to do and only one that I really accomplished. I am being too critical perhaps, but I felt overwhelmed all the same. Occasionally I find it quite difficult to be a mother, a women, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a believer and a professional. There are too many hats to fill and I am not a person who looks good in hats.

Anyway, this is not a blog about hats. It is not a blog about anything, to be honest. It is kind of like an episode of Seinfeld - a big to do about nothing at all. Welcome to life inside my head. There are thousands of important thoughts and feelings and situations going on all around me. But somehow I manage to find the most trivial of them and focus on that one inconsequential thing until it becomes my Everest.

But, this is not a blog about mountains. This Wednesday night blog spot is usually dedicated to So You Think you Can Dance. But tonight I did not see the show. GASP!! Tonight I was sitting around a hibachi table at Benihanas, celebrating my sister's birthday with my family. I would say that sure beats Mary's Hot Tamale Train, yes it does. So... if you came to see a blog about dancing then you are S.O.L.

But this is not a blog about luck. This was supposed to be a blog about what I am reading right now, which happens to be "White Oleander" by Janet Fitch. That is what I had in mind when I sat down at this laptop and clicked my Blogger icon. But then my fingers started doing the talking and I let them have their say. And surprisingly, they started talking about a whole bunch of gobblety gook that I am sure no one cares about.

What I wanted to say was this... I read. I am a reader. I read for fun. I like to read every night. I try to read at least one book a month, on average. But lately I have hit the pause button my reading. I started and stopped several books and could not get interested. And then I picked up this latest book and I can't put it down- only to type blogs, obviously. And this blog was to be about my gladness in my renewed delight in reading. I feel that it is a sign. That I am coming alive once again. It's sort of like when you have a cold and you can't taste anything. And you know it should be good, but it just doesn't have a taste. Everything is the same. And then one day... BAM! You've got flavor. Well BAM, baby. I have got me some flavor!!

So... I am back in reader mode and happy to be in it. I actually can't wait to type this last paragraph so I can get back to it. Just thought someone might be interested in a little light reading about my light reading- plus all that nothing in between.

If You Lead, I Will Follow

When I first started my journey in to marital separation, I read this wonderful passage from a book. I don't remember what book, because I read many in those early days, but this book said something to the effect of this: everyone tells you to follow your heart. But this can sometimes make us follow a feeling. And love is more than a feeling. It is a choice. When you get married, you are choosing to love someone better or worse, sick or healthy, rich or poor. And at times you will not want to love this person, but you will choose to. And this is a healthy marriage. This is leading your heart to love no matter what, instead of following it wherever it wants to go.

OK, so I really clung to this ideology. I embraced the notion that I would lead my heart to love, no matter what. And that served me well in that I was able to love despite incredible odds and amidst terrible hurts. I was able to live up to the vows that I made on that wedding day 4 years ago. And I was able to cling to that promise of forever up until there was nothing more that I could do. I am in the last days of a dying battle for my marriage. The "d" word has been thrown on the table and because of circumstances it is the likely choice for both of us. I make this decision with a heavy heart, because every princess wants the happy ending. But I also make it knowing that I fought hard for love and I led my heart in to a bloody battle for what I believed in.

There is a comfort in knowing that you served, and served well. It is freeing to know that you were faithful and true. And still sad to know that even so, you didn't win. In the process of my grieving I have been through anger, denial, sadness and then sweet acceptance only to find myself back at anger once again. It is a long process that you don't get over quickly. And even when you feel you do, a word, a situation, a bad driver, anything... can startle a surprise out of you that is born from hidden emotion and repressed feelings. At times it feels like it never ends.

But what I have learned is that you can lead your heart to do other things besides love. You can lead it to heal and forgive and let go. You can lead it to kindness and mercy. And you can lead it to self-respect and strength. It is easy to give up and give in to the feelings of a situation. I could easily sleep all day, cry in my pillow, curse out a stranger, hide from the world and never dare to laugh and love. Or I can lead myself to joy and hope. And when you seek and find it... hope springs eternal. I am leading myself to seek, knowing that in time I will find...

Water, Water Everywhere

I got word from my aunt. last weekend, that a new splashpark had opened up in a town nearby. These types of parks are springing up all over the place. It is not so much as a water park and more than a playground. Basically, there are lots of water things to play in for little people. Well this new splashpark opened last weekend to the public. And it just so happens that it is a free splashpark. So this morning I decided to take my son and try it out. We invited another mother from my house and two of her children to come. We waited in the hot morning sun for over thirty minutes for the water timer to turn on, but when it finally did it was magical.

We had a blast playing in the sprinklers. I am so glad that I live in a city that is big enough to offer so many experiences and opportunities to keep a family entertained on a budget.

I am gearing up for the Fourth of July weekend. I don't have any solid plans but I am excited about having the day off and watching some fireworks. I will post on my holiday activities. Happy Fourth all you readers. Have a good one.

So You Think You Can Dance - Top 14

Ok, the vote off show is on as I type this. It just started. So I am trying to get my thoughts and opinions in before things are announced. So this will be fast and furious.

STAND OUTS

The Kayla and Kupono Contemporary Routine. I liked this one. Sonja is very bizarre. But I liked the vampire, Twilight feel. I think they are staying. It feels as if they are on a roll now. They've dropped their extra baggage and now they are on their way.

The Janeane and Philip Hip Hop Routine. I liked the chain concept and I think that made it interesting. It may have been a distraction to the dancing, but I think it worked. Philip was lucky he got Hip Hop again. I think it saved him for another week- and not just because of his personality.

The Randi and Evan Broadway Routine. I loved this routine even though the judges weren't into it. I like Evan and I like Broadway. So why wouldnt I like this number? I loved the nod to old school broadway dancing. The style was great. I think they are safe.

MIDDLE GROUND

The Melissa and Ade Classic Ballet Routine. I think this couple is so talented and the dance was elegant and pretty to watch. I liked it for what it was, but I think that ballet isn't my favorite style to watch. I don't think they should leave, based on this number or their history.

The Brandon and Janete Cha Cha Routine. This was a high energy routine. I thought they both did well. I liked watching it and was entertained. I think Brandon is really putting those judges in their place for giving him such a hard time. Good for him.

PASS

The Jason and Kaitlin Contemporary Routine. I think this concept was ok. I didn't like the costumes but I did like Jason in the dance. I thought Kaitlin was not in character really and I was distracted by her. I was with Mary - something about this dance was off for me. I want them to stay though, especially him.

The Carla and Vitolio Quickstep Routine. I don't like them very much so I think I was destined to hate it from the get go. I didn't hate it but it would not be one I'd watch again. I think they have run their course and I am tired of giving them another chance. In my opinion it is goodbye to these two.

I hope it is Carla and Vitolio going home. Anyone else would be just wrong. We will see if my track record continues. Phew. I finished before the first commercial break.