Saturday, October 30, 2010

I Get Knocked Down (but I get up again)

Ok. It has been a while since I did an actual post, and not a Listamania. But, because my misery loves verbiage, I now find myself with reason to write. A few months ago, I did something really great. I opened my heart up again to the idea of love and I entered in to a relationship. It was my first time since the divorce and I was cautiously optimistic. I felt really great about it. And I was happy. But, as these things sometimes do, it ended. The end was unforeseen and unprepared for, but still it came. Very recently, I found myself at the end of something that I was profoundly proud of. My heart is limping towards acceptance as we speak. But, I am not broken and I am not crushed. I may be slightly bruised, but better for the trouble. You see, while I may not like where it led me, the most important part was the journey. I felt things I had not felt in a long time. I trusted and laughed and shared life with someone in a way that felt truly spectacular. And it was a connection that I will forever be grateful for because it taught me what it looks like to have God in a relationship. This person will always be in my heart for encouraging, supporting and serving me in a way that helped me understand Christian love more fully.

Break ups are always hard. I have never had one that wasn't. But I can honestly say that I feel truly blessed in the midst of my mending. I had real feelings, great conversations and a ton of fun. How refreshing to be in that space again, if only for a bit. Through this I learned that it is ok to open up and let people in again. Actually, it is better than ok. Life is about taking chances and stepping out in faith. Part of that is risking pain for the opportunity to find something remarkable. Does it always happen? No. But it is almost always worth the shot. I am sad to see this chapter closing. But if I have learned nothing else in my short life, I have learned that God gives and takes away. He wounds and He heals. But He is also the same yesterday, today and forever. God never lets go. He will sustain me through the wilderness of life and lead me to lie down in green pastures. He is always good. These are my truths. It has taken me a while to collect them. But they have never failed me. And I do not expect them to start now. I am rejoicing in this chance to trust God and show my faith in His ways.

I want to share a poem I wrote about breaking up. It was written many, many years ago - in a whole different phase of my life. I don't know why I want to share this, since it has nothing to do with the person or circumstance I referred to in this post. But it somehow seemed fitting for today.

Oh what I would give for one more chance
to see the magic in your glance
right before you kissed my lips
with my hair around your fingertips.
What wouldn't I do for a final embrace?
That look of perfection upon your face.
As you hold my hand and catch my eye,
right before you say "good-bye".
A spoken truth of yet to comes,
implying that we're not yet done.
Yet, all to soon I begin to see
the brutal truth of this reality.
Try as I may to plan and to scheme
your mind is already on other things. 
I'm not the object of your affection
but you have granted me this one reflection:
no matter the state our relationship is in
you will always consider me a very dear friend.
I guess this friendship will have to suffice
and my wounded heart will pay the price. 
As much as I'd like to have your heart
being your friend is the perfect start.  

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Listamania 9.0

When I am down, I put on music. When I am bored, I put on music. When I need to just relax, I put on music. I'm sure appreciative of things like iPod's and CD players so that I can have my music with me, on the go. And I am thankful for Playlists that let me create hours of diversion. Music is so much to me. So... here is my homage to music. First, a list of CD's that are in constant rotation in my car or on my iPod:

1. Shane and Shane - Everything is Different
2. Jimmy Needham - Not Without Love
3. Joshua Radin - Simple Times
4. Ray Lamontagne - Trouble
5. John Mayer - Battle Studies
6. Shane and Shane - Pages
7. Nicole Nordemann - Woven and Spun
8. Joshua Radin - We Were Here
9. Bebo Norman - Myself When I am Real
10. The Brook Hampton Tracks I Love Mix CD

Honorable mention:
- Kari Jobe - Kari Jobe albumn
- Colby Callait - Coco
- Jason Mraz - We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things
- Ray Lamontagne - Gossip in the Grain

My next Listamania will be dedicated to music as well. I will be writing all the songs I would have on my life soundtrack. I need some time to think. I would love to hear what other people are listening to as well. I always need fresh ideas.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Invitation Extended - but don't RSVP

A few friends and I have started a collaborative blog together. It is a devotional blog that touches on some things that God is teaching us in our lives. I have been blessed to get to grow in this way with some people that I absolutely love, admire and respect. So if you are interested, you can check us out at

http://wmysoul.blogspot.com/

Thanks guys.

Leslie

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Hey Now, You're a Rock Star

When I was younger, we did a lot of pretending. We played house, school, postoffice, banker, Barbies - you name it and we played it. It is safe to say that my love of story telling - character, plots and the like - started with those early days of make believe. Perhaps one of my favorite things to pretend was "rockstar". Although, in those days I just called it "singer". In my youth, that is what I dreamt I would become when I got older. I just knew I would be like Jem and the Rockers and that I would sing and entertain the masses. It brought great joy to my heart to play that part and imagine myself as a performer. I never imagined myself as rich and famous. In my daydreams, it was about the music and the love of performing it. Then the Mickey Mouse Club came on TV and I felt I had found my calling. The same thing happened when the Spice Girls surfaced and also a little bit when Glee first aired. I just absolutely love music and making it come alive.

I was on vacation for ten days and my little son was not with me. So needless to say, I missed him a great deal. This week was about trying to reconnect with him, which was difficult because of my work and school schedules. But yesterday was the day we set aside for mommy and Luke time. It was a great day. We filled it with frozen yogurt, lunch with friends, a Dragon movie and a little make believe. For a little while, yesterday, Luke and I were rockstars together. And we performed several Veggie Tales classics. It was so nice to share that with him and to watch him take right to it. So, this post goes out to my little rockstar! Here's to:

Duets

Booty Shakin'

 

Stage Jumping

Crowd Pleasing







Theatric Loving

and Final Bowing

This little dude has what it takes. Of course I am absolutely his biggest fan so I may be a tiny bit biased. But I would pay full price to watch him perform. Dreams are hard to come by and imagination is a commodity that is often killed with reality. It is so wonderful to watch the innocence in him and to watch him let loose and pretend. And, thankfully, he still wants me right there with him in the middle of the mix. 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Listamania 8.0

The Last Time I...

1. Went to Disneyland/World: I was 8 years old and wearing a side ponytail, biker shorts and a tshirt with a side knot.

2. Had a phone conversation that lasted over an hour: Last night
3. Saw a movie in the theater: today I saw two movies, in a row. "Social Network" and "Devil"
4. Saw someone famous: I saw Neil Patrick Harris when I was at Disneyworld. Although at that time he was known only as "Doogie".
5. Took a car trip that was over 10 hours: In 2006, when I went to Nashville, TN
6. Drank Kool-Aid: Last week I made kool-aid for Luke and had some myself. It was cherry, I had to.
7. Went to a school dance: That would be my senior year of college, April 2003. Date: Dustin "the Diesel" Collins.
8. Was on a boat: The last time I visited Georgetown there was a late night sailing trip. Maybe May 2010.
9. Was on a plane: On Friday I flew to Vermont. It was an awful experience.
10. Ate a Rice Krispy Treat:  I actually made Rice Krispy treats about a month ago for my Friday night group.
11. Jogged: Last Thursday. And my body is feeling it.
12. Went to the doctor: I think it has been a year and a half.
13. Was out of the Country: In May 2010 I went to Mexico with the fam.
14. Washed my car: It has been an embarassingly long amount of time. I think a year or more.
15. Ate a bowl of cereal: This morning I had corn flakes, with sugar.
16. Held a baby: At my son's 3rd birthday party I held my cousin's baby,Beaux.
17. Watched an episode of Friends: About two weeks ago, thank you TNT.
18. Jumped up and down: Probably at Lindsey and Kyle's wedding in August.
19. Bought an item of clothing: In September of 2010.
20. Vacummed: Right before Luke's birthday party, in September.
21. Had to speak/perform in front of a large group of people: I had to give an interview presentation to get in to Teacher Certification classes in August.
22. Took a test: That would be yesterday, for my teaching class.
23. Went to a wedding: August 2010.
24. Used a phone with a cord on it: I used the room phone, this morning, to call the lobby. I dialed "0".
25. Ate pizza: Two days ago, in Portland, Maine.
26. Had a cup of coffee: Friday morning as I walked to my airplane terminal.
27. Did a math problem by hand: Since I am subbing now I get to do a bit more math. Two weeks ago I subbed for a 2nd grade math class and we did word problems on the chalkboard.
28. Had a manicure or pedicure: It has been WAY to long. Probably since May or maybe even April.
29. Got a package in the mail: I got flowers delivered to me last week. It was AWESOME!
30. Updated my blog: Today. This list is considered my update.