Small Victories

Today my son and I were cleaning out the medicine cabinet. Now, before you get all weird about it - I was cleaning out the cabinet and he was sitting in the rocking chair "reading" a book to me. It was a harmless task that is typical of a normal day. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something fly behind my back. I figured it was a moth or something, but when I checked to see... I found that it was a roach. Now, I absolutely HATE roaches. They are disgusting creatures that are nowhere near as charming as this little cartoon roach I have added as a visual aid. So when I realized that a LARGE roach had just flown through the air in close proximity to my head, I started screaming. My screaming alarmed my son who promptly started crying and demanded to be held. I was stuck motionless in my panic as I watched it crawl in to my son's room. At first I was relieved to have it out of sight so that I could quickly have it out of mind. But then I came to the realization that Luke would be napping soon and that the roach, if left unsupervised, could make it's way into his crib and climb into his nose, mouth or ears while he slept. I know this is highly irrational thinking, but I was paranoid none-the-less. So we sat up camp in his room and read a book together. The whole time I was scanning the room with my eyes trying to find that little sucker. I held a shoe in my hand and I was trying to psych myself up to pounce. I saw him dart in and around and under furniture and I would run after him and try and smash him. But he was tricky and he continued to escape me and my death-shoe. Each time I ran toward him I screamed in fright, hoping he wouldn't fly at me and land on my face. I couldn't make myself get close enough to do any real damage and at one point I even resorted to throwing the shoe at it. But Luke was getting impatient and so I knew I had to seize the moment or else I would lose him in the room and fret over his whereabouts all day. So I waited for him to come out from under the dresser and I told myself, " You have to do it. Be brave. Do it for Luke". And I did it! I smashed him - once, twice, three times. I made sure he was good and dead. Courage like that is awfully fleeting so I had to take advantage of it. After I saw him twitch his last, I started laughing and shouting "I did it!". Luke gave me a high-five and did his happy dance. I know it is stupid but I was so proud of myself for killing that insect. It was a fear that I knew I must conquer. These everyday things are up to me now so I have to man up and do them. I can not just wait for someone else to do my dirty work, I have to find a way to do it myself. So I was happy that I had accomplished this task and I was pleased to have my son celebrate this victory with me. His shared excitement was so genuine that my heart melted. These little moments and little victories are just enough sometimes to get you through an otherwise bland day.