Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Today has been a two steps forward, two steps back kind of day. Earlier today I was told by one of the five year olds in my house that Luke had a stinky diaper. Apparently his odor was offensive. But I was doing lunch dishes so I said I would get him when I finished up. Fast forward five minutes and one of the teens in the house comes to me and says, " I think Luke is leaking". So I rush to him and find that he does in fact have something yucky running from his shorts and down his leg. It was yuck! I rushed him upstairs and put him directly in the bath tub. When I removed his clothes, and he saw the mess for the first time, he said, " I am dirty". I could not disagree. And then he continued to say "gross" as I washed him off. And it was. But after a thorough scrub down with some peppermint body wash, all was well. This would be a step back.

But when he woke up we braved the rain and went to James Coney Island. Luke and I both had a chili cheese dog and it was delicious. After that we went to The Mad Potter and painted a small flowering pot and a photo frame. It was very fun and Luke got into it. He wore an apron and painted to his hearts content. In five days our work will be fresh from the kiln and ready for use. This was the highlight of our day.

Following this, we went to Wolf Camera. I was having trouble with my camera today and I went to get an assessment. It turns out that there is something wrong with my camera. This blows because I love to take pictures. Right now I am left with my camera phone which is just not up to my standards. This was a major blow to my day.

And to sum up my day, there were two more notable moments. First, when I came home one of the families in the house was watching YouTube music videos of Beyonce. One thing led to another and the next thing you know her, her two small children, Luke and myself were up and dancing. We were really movin' and groovin'. It was very fun and so hilarious to watch a 5 year old and two toddler's idea of dancing. By the end of our session I was sweating and feeling like I had just jazzercised.

Luke went to bed after that and I rounded up some trash and emptied my fridge. So, there was spoiled milk and other food products in this bag. I was in a hurry to get it outside and placed in the trash "barn" outside. However, when I walked up the door to the trash area was open. We have a raccoon problem at our house and I am paranoid that I am going to startle one of them in the trash can and lose my face to rabies.. or something like that. Naturally, I rethought my trip to the trash can when I heard the critter moving around inside the hut. I ran to get help from another mother and we sat there in a staring contest with that darn raccoon. He peered out of the open door at us waiting for our trash deposit. He was too bold for my liking so I snuck up and kicked the door shut on his furry little face and then ran back to the house with my trash bags in case he got raccoon rage and chased me. Myself and my trash are safely in the house.

It has been a weird day. A roller-coaster of experiences. Overall, I think I would say it was a good day - if you forget about the poop incident.

Go to Sleep, You Little Baby

I am at the end of a long day and I am exhausted. But not too exhausted to get on to blogger and poke around. More and more, I am finding that one of my favorite parts of my day is at the end, when I crawl into bed and catch up on what everyone is doing and thinking and feeling. And I also love to write my own blogs. I never thought I would type that sentence, because I felt like blogging wasn't for me. However, the more I write the freer I feel. It is nice to get things out and to just type until your thoughts make sense. And what is even nicer is knowing that others might read those scrap thoughts and that it might touch or move them enough to comment. So... tonight I am glad for this new fangled technology called BLOGGING and the way it keeps me "in the know" on all my friends all over this country and state.

Tonight I am beat from cleaning house all day and running errands in the horrible 105 degree Houston weather. My little feet are screaming for a foot rub and my back is cursing at me. But... I bought two workout DVDs today, a little dumbbell and a Pilate's ball. Someone is getting their workout on and it is me. Our Cabo beach trip is in 2 months and I am hoping to have Jessica Beil's body by the time I go. I better get to work. In fact, why am I typing this when I should be doing lunges and crunches? Ah well... off to bed instead.

Weekend Highlights

I usually leave my house for the weekends and I go stay with my parents. I do this for several reasons but mostly because I need a change of pace, I like them, I like their pool and they help me with Luke. So most of my weekends are fun and relaxing. This weekend was no different. It was my weekend with the munchkin, so we worked around that. But also, my friend Brook came to see me on Saturday and spent the night. That part was really fun. Here are the highlights from my weekend:

1. Getting my hair cut. It was looking rough and so I was glad to lose the excess.

2. Watching "My Sisters Keeper" with Brook, my mom and her two sisters. We cried and sniffled our way through that movie. It was well worth the five tissues I used.

3. Seeing Luke slide in to the pool over and over again. It is fun seeing him enjoy himself and also to watch him try new things.

4. Playing Harry Potter Clue and Twilight: The Board Game, with Brook and my mom.

5. Winning both of those games.

6. Watching Brook drive a scooter for the first time. Hi-larious!

7. Baking sugar cookies with mom and Luke and letting him do the sprinkles.

8. Eating amazing sushi (although Luke accidentally got a mouth full of Wasabi. Not a good idea.)

9. Laying on the couch at 6:00 am this morning watching "Surf's Up" with my son.

10. Learning and performing a synchromized swimming routine with Brook, my mom and my two aunts.

But, however fun my weekends are, I am always ready to come home on Sundays. Even though I like taking a break from everything- my home just feels right. I have freedom here, in my own space, to do what I'd like and that feeling is so good. Luke stayed with his Nana and Paw Paw and he will be back tomorrow. So I will enjoy my free time and I will miss putting him to bed. Goodnight everyone and I hope you also had a pleasant weekend.

The Way You Make Me Feel

Michael Jackson has passed away today and I am so sad for music. He has been int he soundtrack of my life since I was little. My parents have home videos of me at age three singing and dancing to the Thriller tape. Fast forward twenty two years and me and my family and friends did the Thriller dance at my wedding reception. So... I have always loved the music of Mr. MJ. I am saddened that he will no loner make music and I am so glad to haveso many memories of him and his musical impact on this generation. I have posted 2 music videos on this blog site as well. So please take a look if you want and remember a true entertainer. I choose to remember him for what he added to the entertainment world instead of the specualtation that haunted him in his later years.

Top 16

It is late and I am getting tired so I will make this short and sweet. I thought tonight's show was better than last week, but not as good as week 1. There are 3 rankings for me: Stand Out, Middle Road and Pass. This week my STAND OUT performances were...

1. The Evan and Randi Mia Michaels Contemporary Routine was my favorite. They are still my top choices and I think they are doing well in the competition. Their routine was well danced and very memorable.

2. The Janette and Brandon Hip-Hop Routine. He was better than I thought he would be. Actually, they both were. I have been on the fence about them in the past weeks, but today I am starting to swing favorably in their direction.

3. The Melissa and Ade Rumba Routine. I really like these two dancers. They are also in my favorites right now. I think they are strong and versatile.

My MIDDLE ROAD routines were...

1. The Jason and Kaitlin Paso Doble Routine. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was intense, but I think that had more to do with the music and make-up than the dancing. I like him a lot though. I hope he stays. I am indecisive about her though. I am not sure why.

2. The Phillip and Janeane Broadway Routine. I like the Broadway routines and I really like Tyce Diorio. And I really like these two dancers. He is a fading star. I am sad to say. He is great at his genre, but not at much else. I hope he doesn't stick around on charm alone. This dance was fun and energetic but not very memorable. Infact, I can't actually remember much about it right now and it happened two hours ago. That is not a good sign.

3. The Kayla and Kupono Waltz Routine. I think they are good dancers and I am glad they got to stay. And I love Jean Mark Generaux. This dance was elegant and pretty to watch but there wasn't anything stand-out about it. It was nice, but not great. They are a new couple though so I hope they get to stay and work on their connection.

My PASS routines were...

1. The Karla and Jonathan hip-hop routine. I missed most of this dance but from what I saw I was not impressed and I did not feel the need to go back and watch it in full. It was weak.

2. The Osuka and Vitolio jazz routine. I like Mandy Moore but this was awkward and boring for me. The most interesting thing was the costumes. I am ready for them to go home.

I am hoping that Osuka and Jonathan go home. That is my vote anyway. But really, if any of my bottom four leave I won't shed a single tear. Not that I cry when anyone leaves.

Small Victories

Today my son and I were cleaning out the medicine cabinet. Now, before you get all weird about it - I was cleaning out the cabinet and he was sitting in the rocking chair "reading" a book to me. It was a harmless task that is typical of a normal day. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something fly behind my back. I figured it was a moth or something, but when I checked to see... I found that it was a roach. Now, I absolutely HATE roaches. They are disgusting creatures that are nowhere near as charming as this little cartoon roach I have added as a visual aid. So when I realized that a LARGE roach had just flown through the air in close proximity to my head, I started screaming. My screaming alarmed my son who promptly started crying and demanded to be held. I was stuck motionless in my panic as I watched it crawl in to my son's room. At first I was relieved to have it out of sight so that I could quickly have it out of mind. But then I came to the realization that Luke would be napping soon and that the roach, if left unsupervised, could make it's way into his crib and climb into his nose, mouth or ears while he slept. I know this is highly irrational thinking, but I was paranoid none-the-less. So we sat up camp in his room and read a book together. The whole time I was scanning the room with my eyes trying to find that little sucker. I held a shoe in my hand and I was trying to psych myself up to pounce. I saw him dart in and around and under furniture and I would run after him and try and smash him. But he was tricky and he continued to escape me and my death-shoe. Each time I ran toward him I screamed in fright, hoping he wouldn't fly at me and land on my face. I couldn't make myself get close enough to do any real damage and at one point I even resorted to throwing the shoe at it. But Luke was getting impatient and so I knew I had to seize the moment or else I would lose him in the room and fret over his whereabouts all day. So I waited for him to come out from under the dresser and I told myself, " You have to do it. Be brave. Do it for Luke". And I did it! I smashed him - once, twice, three times. I made sure he was good and dead. Courage like that is awfully fleeting so I had to take advantage of it. After I saw him twitch his last, I started laughing and shouting "I did it!". Luke gave me a high-five and did his happy dance. I know it is stupid but I was so proud of myself for killing that insect. It was a fear that I knew I must conquer. These everyday things are up to me now so I have to man up and do them. I can not just wait for someone else to do my dirty work, I have to find a way to do it myself. So I was happy that I had accomplished this task and I was pleased to have my son celebrate this victory with me. His shared excitement was so genuine that my heart melted. These little moments and little victories are just enough sometimes to get you through an otherwise bland day.

Wind Blown

Lately my little family has been going through a lot of changes. Some have been good and some have not. I have felt a little like a tree in a storm, bending in the wind and the rain and trying to stay rooted and trying harder to stand tall.

You know when you see hurricane footage on the news and those poor palm trees are thrashing in the wind? Well that is me in this period of my life. I am being sent this way and that way in the wind and finding it hard to keep my bearings. All my life I have been the girl who does the "right" thing. I never got detention, never failed a class and never did anything that I wasn't supposed to. And lately I have been reacting the way I thought I should react. I have stuffed my feelings and glossed them over to try and keep the peace. But it hurts and it's not fair and sometimes I am really angry about that. Something happened recently that sparked something in me. This little something was the catalyst that caused all of that hidden stuff to spurt forth. And I am left feeling like I have weathered the storm. My slick facade has gone and I am left bent and broken.

Because in the life of a tree, after any storm you are left with two options: to be bent by the elements, bearing the forever mark of your trial or you are bent to the point of breaking. I have definitely found that I have been broken and that there are splinters in my life that need to be healed. And I think that allowing these feelings to work themselves out is part of that process. It is a necessary evil.

In this way I am hoping to be more like a rock and less like a tree. The river rock enters the water jagged and rough and over time... with lots of force and water... it becomes smooth and rounded. I think that this is how God intends for us to be. We enter in to this world broken, jagged and rough and in trusting Him we learn to sit in the river and wait for Him to make us smooth.

So I am embracing my jagged-ness and throwing myself in to the mercy of the river. I am hoping that it can take these beaten and broken shards and make them in to something smooth and soft to the touch. In summary, I am feeling the downside of anger and pain right now and I am okay with that. I am letting it work through me but not consume me. I figure that if I let it work through me I will wake up one day and find that the right thing comes naturally.

"Rolling river God, little stones are smooth

only once the water passes through

So I am a stone, rough and grainy still

trying to reconcile this river's chill.

But when I close my eyes

and feel you rushing by

I know that time brings change

and change takes time.

And when the sunset comes

my prayer would be this one,

that you would pick me up and notice that I am

just a little smoother in your hand.

Sometimes raging wild

sometimes swollen high

never have I known this river dry.

The deepest part of you

is where I want to stay

and feel the sharpest edges wash away."

- River God by "Nicole Nordeman"

Father's Day Tribute

In honor of Father's Day. I have complied a list of my favorite TV and Movie dads. After looking on the Internet I realize that several of these have already been done. But I want to put my own take on it. So here is my list:

10. Sleepless in Seattle dad, Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) - widower who puts his son before love.

9. Harry Potter dad, Mr. Weasley - loyal and trusting. Provides for his family and treats Harry like a son. Just a good guy.

8. Mrs. Doubtfire dad, Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) - loves his kids so much that he can't bare to be away from them. He goes to great, and humiliating, extents to be in their everyday lives.

7. Lion King dad, Mufasa - he sacrificed his life for his son and died a hero. So majestic and regal.

6. One Tree Hill dad, Nathan Scott - He is a caring father. The antithesis of his own father. He is affectionate, kind, present and loves his son's mother.

5. Dan in Real Life dad, Dan (Steve Carell) - Overprotective but quirky. He is trying to be the best dad he can be while still trying to find happiness for himself. He is funny, caring, awkward and is able to admit to and apologize for his mistakes.

4. Father of the Bride dad, George Banks (Steve Martin) - He finds sweet moments with his daughter and expresses his love for her freely and sincerely. He stands up for her when she is angry, listens when she is sad, and supports her when she changes her mind.

3. The Cosby Show dad, Heathcliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) - warm and funny. He is the patriarch of a strong family. He plays with them and laughs with his children. He has his own life but is also creative in dealing with his kids lives and situations. He is a loving disciplinarian.

2. Life as a House dad, George Monroe (Kevin Kline) - Goes out on a limb to reach a son who is closed off and distant. He shows love and gives it room to grow without pushing it. He challenges his son to be the best he can be and walks beside him to teach him how to be that.

1. The Pursuit of Happyness dad, Chris Gardner (Will Smith) - dedicated and hard working. He never quit and made sure that even in rough times his kid knew he was loved and cared for. He taught his son to never give up and to be more than mediocre. He chose to keep his son even when he knew it would be tough. He never left him and never stopped trying to provide a better life for him.

Runner Ups:

Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher) from The O.C.

Graham Simkins (Jude Law) in The Holiday

Will Hayes (Ryan Reynolds) in Definitely, Maybe

So it's a pretty cool list. And I like all of these characters. But I love my own father, who is a character all his own. I enjoyed honoring him this weekend and treating him to dinner and a play. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the dads out there. Live up to the title.

So You Think You Can Dance - Top 18

I am fully aware that at the time of this posting, the results show has already aired and 2 more have fallen from grace. I am a little behind, granted. But I took the day off, if you will recall, and so my opnions are late... but still here.

So let me start with the performance show... I was somewhat under-whelmed by the performances this week. I had expected more and I didn't think there were any stellar routines. My favorites were among the worst and I tended to differ in views from the judges on nearly every dance. That being said, there were some nice moments. I thought the jazz routine from Ade and Melissa was strong. Those two are underestimated. I am not sure that I share Sonya's visions, but the routine was fun to watch.

Probably the best of the night was the Jonathan and Karla contemporary routine. Last week these two were forgettable for me and I wanted them to go home. But this week I was eating those words because they were really good. I love that song too!

The Kayla and Max routine was good, but not great for me. I liked him in it and I was sad that he left the show after that performance.

Randi and Evan are at the top of my list and I thought they were good this week in their jive - much better than they were given credit for. By the end of the show I was thinking that had they performed later in the show they would have received higher critiques because they were better than most.

And two of my faves were in the bottom, dancing for their life: Jason and Ashley. I fully concur with the judges final decision on both counts but... I thought that both of them were good in their routines, even though their partners were not. Both had hip-hop and both got descent praise for their dance. I was sad to see them in the bottom and really sad to see Ashley go home.

One of my top picks is out early. I hate that!! And I don't see Kayla and Kupono being a good fit either. It was a let-down week for me and I hope that next week is better.

Mr. Water Color Memories...

... of the way we were.

So tomorrow is going to really stink. It happens to be my 4 year Anniversary. As you probably know from reading past posts, I am going through a marital separation right now. Our forecast is looking pretty dire at present and doesn't seem to show signs of changing. For this reason, I am not looking forward to tomorrow and all the memories and pain that it will bring. I am taking the day off of work and I am planning to spend some time with my mom, pampering ourselves. I am thinking a massage and a pedicure might ease some of the stress. I am hoping that along with the pain, tomorrow might hold unforeseen blessings as well. This whole chapter of my life has been hard and heavy. And as I am approaching a day that is meant to celebrate a forever union of two people - I am left with the possibility that this may not be my reality. I am trusting God to take care of me. So please think of me and pray for me if you get a chance. I will be remembering better times and hoping for blue skies to return soon - at the very least, a rainbow.

Oh and Happy Birthday Dad! You are a great father and I am so pleased to be nearer to you guys and to get to spend this birthday eating cookie cake and watching So You Think You Can Dance with you. You just keep getting better and better with age. Love you!!

Therapy

Some people love to shop. Some people love to eat. And some people love to sleep. I guess you can say that I am one of those people who likes to shop when I feel blue. However, I do not like to shop for clothes. In fact, clothes shopping is one of my least favorite activities. Instead, when I need some retail therapy, you can find me browsing the bookstore shelves. And that browsing turns in to buying about 9 times out of 10. So today turned out to be a bummer day. And to shake off those blues I treated myself to a movie ("Away We Go") and then found my car steering itself to the nearest Borders bookstore. I spent some time browsing in almost every section and then bought two books that I didn't really need. But just buying those books made me feel better. As I am now realizing, my book buying has become a compulsion - an addiction if you will. I like to buy, read and display my books. I get a weird satisfaction out of being an "avid" reader. Even when I finish a book I can't bare to part with it. I don't trade in my books and I have a hard time loaning them out because I like to have them there, on my shelf, as a trophy of my literary accomplishment. I have always dreamed of having a home library to showcase my collection. I don't know where I am going with this other than to say that I had a crummy day - but it was nothing that a couple of pieces of fiction couldn't fix - well, not fix but soften a bit. That and a few phone calls to my friends - Carly and Jacob. Those two are good people. The best even. They sure do know how to be a friend. And today is Jacob's birthday too! So happy birthday Jakester. Today was long and hard - with some good bits in between. But tomorrow is a new day. So sleep tight friends and may new mercies find you in the morning. And if any of you need a good book, let me know. I can give you my opinion on a few good reads and if you are really lucky, maybe even loan you one of mine.

Helping Hands

This week, my son and I took on the role of nursemaid and troublemaker, respectively. We travelled to our previous stomping ground, Georgetown,TX to help our dear Grammy (his Grammy, my mother-in-law). She was at home recovering from a recent operation that left her less mobile than she would prefer and in need of assistance and entertainment - enter Leslie and Luke. I did my very best to assist while he did his utmost to entertain. We were there for 5 days and in between all of our do-gooding we found time for friends and fun. Here are some of the highlights of our week:

My good friend, Jacob, came over to help fix Sylvia's flat tire. Luke was mesmerized by the process and had to get in on the action. Later, he had the dirty hands of a working man doing a hard days work.

Grammy received lots of gifts from well-wishers. One such group gave her a bouquet of balloons.Luke found these balloons to be very entertaining. He used them as punching bags and weapons.

Swimming in the backyard on a hot hot summer day. At times, Moses, the little miniature daschund, even joined in the splashing.

Part of my nursemaid duties included grocery shopping. The little dude came with me to H-E-B and was rewarded handsomely for his troubles with a balloon weighted down by a sucker. It was a lime sucker and it was Luke's first sucker encounter. Let me just say that the first foray in to lollipop-licking was very successful.

One of our favorite things was going to visit our friends Ashley, Chad and Cooper. Ashley and Chad are college friends and their boy is 2 and a half months younger than Luke. We set up a play date for our children to meet and for the grown-ups to catch up on life. This was my first play date and I loved watching Luke interact with another child. He did great and I think he earned a new fan in Cooper.

And now for an example of the entertainment I mentioned earlier. Luke has moved from simple climbing to daredevil stunt climbing. He is up, over, around and in between everything he can find. This shopping basket move is one of many tricks we were priviledged to over the week. As a mom, it was terrifying to see that little person be so reckless. But it was also a little bit awesome to know that my son is fearless. If they had "extreme play" he would be a definite contender.

And I learned how to play a new game, Catan. I just learned that it is the "German Game of the Year". That is pretty cool. However, playing the game is not so cool. At least, that is what I used to think. As far as I was concerned, the game fell in the ranks of RISK and MONOPOLY - games that only nerds without dates would play. But, to all of you Catan fans (and also to nerds everywhere) I want to say I am sorry. It is actually a fun game that challenges the mind. Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures of me and my friends playing the game though - that was more proof of my un-coolness than I wanted floating around in the universe.

It was a really nice getaway that turned in to more fun than I had hoped for. I was happy to see everyone that I saw and hung out with. I am psyched to have learned a new game and I am anxious to master it and play with someone who is worse at it than I am.