Working for the Weekend

I love weekends. Weekends are for relaxing and unwinding and taking things slow. And nothing says relaxing like a family game night. Not exactly true, but still game nights are pretty fun. Or they can be... depending on who is playing and what games are being played. I am competitive and I like to win. Some might even say I am competitive to a fault. I just like to call it "passionate" about winning. Well, Friday night I kicked off the weekend right with a nice game night at my parents house. There were about 12 of us and we played around 4 games. I only won one game, but I came close in a few others. I had a wonderful team mate who is every bit as competitive as me. I appreciated her willingness to drive from Bryan to be my team mate - thank you BK. I think there is something so great about spending time with people just doing something fun and challenging. I love movies and all of that stuff but some of my favorite times have been sitting around a table playing a game or sitting in a hot tub just talking to my favorite people. I have amazing people in my life who I genuinely LOVE spending time with. I feel blessed to get to do that with both family and friends at frequent intervals. And what is also amazing is that I have had wonderful, in-depth conversations with these people as equally as I have joked and laughed with them. So, my hats off to those people in my life with whom I often find myself in company. You add something to my life and I am GLAD to know you. For my game night family I want to say... although I did not dominate this weekend there is always next time. And Brook- you can be my wing man anytime.

One Small Step

Yesterday I did a pretty big thing. I drove myself to the District Clerk's Office and filed for divorce. On the way there I felt several things and it took me a few prayers and a few wise words from a friend to get it together. But I did eventually get it together and waited in line and filed the papers that are necessary to start this process. And let me be clear... I think it was time to start this process. And I feel quite certain that this is the action I need to be taking. While I am sad - for my marriage, my family and my dreams - I am also accepting of this as a closing of a chapter so that another might begin. I have had my share of praying, debating and talking to myself about this. It was not a decision taken lightly or decided on rashly. It has been a decision 14 months in the making. Because about 14 months ago, my marriage changed. And despite my best efforts, it was not something that could be fixed. It takes two to make a partnership work and one person just can't want it enough for two. So time moves on and feelings shift and realities take new shapes. This is unfortunate but it is also the way healing works. And I welcome healing. There was a time when I cried through this pain. And then there was a time when anger guided me through. And now, I am in the middle of acceptance. But before complete acceptance can come, there has to be closure. So that is the process I am in now. I am finding my closure. Of course there are pieces of me that feel guilt at officially ending something so important. And there are also feelings of fear about being a 29 year old divorcee with a child. I never thought that would be me. But this is my reality. This is what I have been handed. Now I must make the most if it. I have learned to trust that still small voice inside that is telling me that I can be free. I know I am just babbling on and probably sharing more than you want to hear. I think I wanted to be honest about what is going on and how it is affecting me. This is a huge part of my life - for better or worse. And if you know me and care about me then I want you to be involved in this and to know how and what I need encouragement for. So here it is... on the table. I am handling it well and looking forward, not back. Thanks for those of you who have supported me in this and been there when I needed to cry or talk or vent. you have made this journey much easier.

Back in the Swing of Things

Well, I just read the blog of one of my college friends who is having major things happen in her life... she just had a baby!!! And that huge event sure trumps all of the small events and happenings that are going on in my life right now. But these small things are mine, and they are what God has given me THIS day and so I cherish them just the same.

I have started WORKING again. After taking several months off I am back in the saddle doing the substitute teacher thing. It is hard to get back out there and be on your feet all day. I miss naps. And comfy clothes and shoes. But I like money. So I guess it all balances out.

I also started school back up again. Three classes this semester. Biology, Foundations of Math and History II. It is starting off slow and manageable but any minute I feel like something unpleasant is going to hit that proverbial fan. Yuck!!

I am feeling some regret at working and being away from my son. I work 2 to 3 days a week so I know I am being dramatic. But I still miss all those hours of just BEING with him. And today, when I came home from another hard day I went to get him from nap and he cried when he saw me. He didn't want me, he wanted his Nana. And I won't pretend my feelings weren't hurt. I spent all day wanting to see him and thought it was reciprocated. But... instead, it took about an hour for him to want to have anything to do with me. That part was awful. But then we got to play hide and seek, cuddle in bed with a movie and build a fort under the kitchen table. That is life with a two year old. They are hot and cold. Most days I just try and keep up. But one thing is for certain, even a momma has feelings and although that little kid is just learning the ropes... they sure control your heart. And don't think for a second that they don't know that.

It's a busy week folks. And getting busier all the time. Let's pray for sanity, peace and rest. And on that note... I am off to bed. Before midnight for once. Hallelujah!!!

New Addiction Coming On

I can feel it now. I am in trouble. I told myself I didn't need anything else to watch on TV. My time is too precious as it is and TV rots the brain. But then I did something on a whim that I can never take back: I DVR'd Modern Family... and I watched it. Not only that, but I loved it. Now I can't stop. I want to watch more. Now I am actually kind of bummed that I have missed so many shows and that I am coming in mid season. I have some catching up to do. Move over "How I Met Your Mother", this show is the funniest thing going right now. And my favorite? Phil. Hands down. The guy is so funny. Just look at his picture. He looks funny... and sort of creepy.

And if that isn't enough, he has the best lines. Here is a little example: "One more rule: have like three buttloads of fun". Oh, that guy kills me. Just wanted to throw that out into the blogosphere. I like Phil. I like Modern Family.

Get Out of the Bitter Barn...

... and Play in the Hay!

Ok, so I didn't win either of my Golden Globe pools. That felt pretty lousy, considering all of the trash I was talking and the certainty I held that I would prevail. However, congratulations are in order for Carly and Debbie - both of whom will be getting a brand new book from me, stained with the tears of my defeat. I may me down but I am not out. I have already accepted an offer for an Oscar pool where I am sure my odds will greatly improve.

While we are talking about movies... let me go ahead and make a list for you. In December and January I saw my fair share of movies. Well, let's be honest, I saw my share and probably some of yours too. And of course I did some careful scrutinizing of these movies after every viewing. So, here are the list of movies I saw, in the order with which I enjoyed them.

1. Avatar - this might shock a few people

2. Invictus

3. It's Complicated

4. Brothers

5. Up in the Air

6. Sherlock Holmes

7. The Lovely Bones

8. Nine

9. Book of Eli

I don't have any globes to give out but I have my opinions and even if I am the only one who gives value to them, they are still mine for the sharing.

And the Winner Is...

Do you know what this is? It is a Golden Globe. And mere hours from this post, the awards ceremony will take place and many Golden Globes will be awarded. I do consider myself to be "up" on the movie and TV industry and this season I have made it my business to be as informed as possible for the awards show. Why such an interest? Because this year I have not one, but two Golden Globe pools going on. I have one for family and one for friends and there are even prizes involved for the winner. Everything is always more fun when you make a game out of it. And so I did that, doubly. So whether or not you will be enjoying the awards show tonight, please know that I will be watching intently and keeping score. And who knows, tomorrow you may be hearing from a two-time winner in this very blog.

Dejavu

You know that feeling you get when you put on a pair of jeans you haven't worn (or washed) in a while, and you find money in the pockets? Or when you wake up and realize you don't have to get up yet because your alarm won't go off for another two hours? Well that's how I felt today when I logged on to my college website to log in for the Spring term and I learned that classes do not start today, they start next Tuesday. Woohoo!! I had been mentally and emotionally preparing for another semester of hard work and dedication. But it seems I can put that off for another week. I was also trying to cut back on my napping to get back in "school mode". However, with my new knowledge firmly in place, I treated myself to a nice hour and a half nap without any remorse. Sometimes the unexpected turns out to be a pleasant surprise.

Unless, you are talking about weight loss. You don't joke around about weight loss. I don't really enjoy the process of losing weight. It requires untold amounts of restraint, sacrifice and sweat. These are all things I do not freely give. Therefore, when I commit to a plan that involves said things, I want to see results. I want to know that if I do a,b & c then d will happen. I like certainties. But as I have seen time and time again on Biggest Loser, the effort doesn't always equal the results. Sometimes you stall and hit a wall. I have been fully committed to this new diet and exercise plan. No cheating and no slacking. And yet, for two days I didn't lose any weight. In fact, one day I even gained some weight. Talk about being PISSED OFF. I felt cheated and robbed. OK, I may have even had a diva moment where I swore off the diet. It just really stinks to work so hard and still not get the result you want. It's like studying for a test and getting a C, fighting for your marriage and watching your spouse give up, or planning an event and then no one comes. All the hard work feels like it was for not. I wallowed in that and debated getting a spoonful of peanut butter just to shove it in my diet's face. But in the end, I collected myself and sat down to an egg and veggie breakfast and continued on with my normal routine. And I will have you know that this morning I stepped on that dreaded scale and I had lost 1/2 a pound. No more plateau!! I am rethinking the horridness of this diet. No, it still stinks. But when you see results it is decidedly easier to deal with it.

And now, cried Max, let the wild rumpus begin

As I type this I am sitting on my bed, in my pajamas, watching a new Glee DVD and thoroughly enjoying this "chill" time. My new semester starts on Monday and so I am painfully aware of how few chill moments I have left until May. Oh, and did I mention that it is 8:45? It is a miraculous chain of events that leads to my son getting into bed and asleep before 9:00. I guess I can thank the new girl in Luke's MDO class for not being a "napper" and only allowing my son a 30 minute nap instead of his usual 3 hour nap. Thanks, new girl.

Day 4 of the new diet and already 4 pounds down. It's a pretty good feeling and it almost makes up for all the bad feelings I have about not getting to eat the things I love. As it turns out, not being able to eat anything but meat and veggies sure highlights the bad eating habits you have. It literally took all of my inner strength to eat my organic salad today while my son ate a mouth-watering grilled cheese and french fries. Self-restraint is so hard.

Luke has had a bit of a rough week so far. The cold weather has kept us indoors which means his inner wild-man comes out in random ways that leave me screaming in my head and clenching my jaw in anxiousness. We are having some trouble right now with listening and telling mommy "no" at every chance he gets. This supremely tests any patience I can muster up and makes me pretty angry. Tonight he was put in time out twice within a five minute span. Some lessons are hard to learn. But... on the other hand, when I got the hiccups tonight he quickly caught on and started fake "hiccuping" alongside me. He was so proud that he was hiccuping too which made me laugh so hard. That, and he also went up to Chloe and said, " Hi Chloe, how are you today?". Oh, Chloe is my mom's anti-social beagle. Kids do say the darndest thing sometimes.

And to wrap up I want to make a list. You know I love a good list and this one comes more from my stomach than my brain. Tonight, at dinner, my mom and dad and I had this little discussion about the best french fries in the fast-food universe. While it is true that we were fighting a major carbohydrate craving, the list is still a valid list. And trust me, we were really thinking about it.

The Top 5 Fast-Food French Fries

5. Chik-fil-a

4. Sonic

3. McDonald's

2. Jack in the Box

1. Arby's

Ummm! Yummy!! I can almost taste the deep-fried salty goodness. But alas, I will wake up and have eggs (yet again). But make no mistake, tonight I will probably be dreaming of dancing fudgebars and twirling Dr. Peppers. Darn you, sweet tooth!!

Too Much of a Good Thing

When last we spoke I was telling you all about my Christmas. Yes, it was awesome. And the New Years celebration that came after it was equally as awesome. It was low key (as far as New Years celebrations go) but still fun. My wonderful friend Brook drove up from Bryan and we went to see a movie, ate some Mexican food, played some games and drank some champagne. And when the clock struck midnight we toasted. Two of us toasted to turning thirty and all of us toasted to getting healthy.

And to that effect: I started a new yeast-free diet yesterday. I am both starving and killing the yeast in my body. Don't worry, this is supposed to be a good thing. Apparently if you have too much it slows down your metabolism and makes it hard to lose weight. So... I am ridding myself of these toxins by avoiding sugars, flour, vinegar, dairy and fruit. For 30 days. Basically I can eat protein and veggies. So far it has been hard to fight the cravings but I have prevailed. I am learning to love eggs, fish and bell peppers in a rotation. As of this morning, I have lost 1 pound in 1 days. Losing weight is not the goal but it is a nice bonus. Here's to 28 more days of eating right and hoping that it sticks.

Christmas Edition

12 Things I Did for Christmas:

1. An ornament exchange

2. A treasure hunt

3. Made Gingerbread Cookie

4. Sang Christmas Carols

5. Snuck into a Movie

6. Ate Peppermint Ice Cream

7. Saw 5 Movies

8. Played 3 New Games

9. Drank Champagne

10. Cleaned up Loads of Wrapping Paper

11. Ate Monkey Bread

12. Looked at Christmas Lights Twice

It was a magical time for us. It seemed like my favorite time of year just flew by. Luke enjoyed his presents and the attention he received when opening them. He was a real trooper and handled the events of the morning like a pro. And this week has been one long play time filled with him running from one new toy to the next. It seems he has completely forgotten the old toys and is obviously favoring the new. Oh how quickly we forget. But since the hubbub of Christmas we have been pretty relaxed around here. There have even been a couple of days when we didn't make it out of our pj's. Those are the good days. I received a ton of gift cards from family folks and ended up with a nice stack of new books. Admittedly, I am in a vacation mind-set and schedule. Which means I am staying up late reading or watching "How I Met Your Mother" and I am taking all the naps I can. I had three goals for my Christmas break: exercise all I can, nap all I can and read all I can. So far so good on all counts. Getting back in the daily grind will be tricky indeed. But like any good procrastinator would, I am putting that challenge off for another couple of days.