Cause I'm a Freak, Baby

This week I am on vacation with the family in the beautiful Texas Hill Country. So far, we are having a very pleasant time. Unlike many of our vacations this one would be considered very free-style. Now, I see the benefits of having an open and flexible schedule, especially when relaxation is your goal, but it goes against every grain I have to be without a plan.
Here is my confession: I am a control freak. There, I said it. I don't know when this started but somewhere and somehow I went from liking to have my way, moved right through preferring to have my way and landed in needing to have my way. And this is where I am stuck- in the land of needing lots of info and rarely getting any.
There was a time in my life when things were very chaotic for me and I rarely knew what to expect on a given day. In this time I had to let go of what I wanted to cling to what I needed to get by. Now that things are more stable for me, I find myself trying to make up for lost time. I feel that I have room to want things now and so I want them with all I have. Now that I've found my voice I find myself dead set on what I think needs to happen. This part I do remember from my youth. I always wanted to be in charge of group projects at school because then I knew it would get done and get done the right way.
The problem is that sometimes my way isn't the right way. But, it is hard to see that within the moment of wanting. I set an expectation that my plans are good and will achieve the desired results. And then I work hard towards that goal with checklists and outlines.
When life gets in the way and hands me hurdles or foibles to my well thought out plan, I panic and get quite flustered or cross. Mostly at myself, for being so narrowly focused on me.
Plans are good, but so is wait and see. I am not so good at going with the flow, I want to move and create. This week will be a challenge for me in letting go and enjoying the freedom of not-controlling every moment. And I think I will find that it will be just as much fun and maybe a little less stressful.When you don't have an expectation, it removes the fear of not meeting it. And by now we all know what a fan I am of that.