These are My Confessions:

I think I may have mentioned before, on multiple occasions, that I am a Hannah Montana fan. This is not to be confused with being a Miley Cyrus fan. Those are two very different things and I am the former. Earlier today I did something that I am a little ashamed of... I rented the Hannah Montana movie and I watched it. And, I was really excited about watching it. And whats more, I really liked it. I mean, sure, it was sort of cheesy and melodramatic in that Disney teen-queen kind of way. But it was also really sweet and I will say, rather reluctantly, that I even cried a bit in certain parts. Mostly it was the song, " The Climb". I like this song and I have liked it for a while now. I really relate to the lyrics, they touch me in a very tender place at this point in my life. For those of you who aren't as "familiar" with the Hannah Montana realm as I am, the song goes like this:



" I can almost see it, those dreams I'm dreaming but

there's a voice inside my head saying, ' you'll never reach it'.

Every step I'm taking, every move I make feels

lost with no direction. My faith is shaken.

But I, I gotta keep trying.

I gotta keep my head held high.



There's always gonna be another mountain,

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

and sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

It aint about how fast I get there.

It aint about whats waiting on the other side, it's the climb.



The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking

sometimes might knock me down but

no, I'm not breaking.



I may not know it but these are the moments

that I'm gonna remember most, yeah.

Just gotta keep going.

But I, I gotta be strong

and just keep pushing on.



Keep on movin, keep climbin',

keep the faith, keep your faith. "



Now, I realize there are a lot of "gonna" 's in that song. Maybe too many to actually appreciate it. But today, as Hannah was singing that song, I started crying. In my life, at this exact moment in time, I am facing huge giants. These giants are bigger than I thought possible and they just won't leave me alone. I've learned, somewhat, how to ignore them and band-aid them but those quick fixes don't really help. My giants are out of my hands and they are not going away. These giants are part of my life right now and I have to face them, head on. And this means that I have some big decisions to make that will not be made easily, but will be made thoughtfully and prayerfully. I realize I am being somewhat vague and I'm not exactly sure why. These giants I am referring to are my marriage and my family and the evolution of what those things have become and the state they are in and could be in. There are so many factors and so many feelings and it becomes quite hard to wade through all of that and get down to what is best and what is ultimately right. Everyday I am facing emotions and thoughts and decisions that I never thought I would face and never hoped to face. And in those times it is about just keeping the faith and pushing on. I honestly do not know what is on the other side of these mountains. I could not tell you if I will fall or not. But I do know that what really matters is how I handle this battle. What I do with these scenarios is what life is all about. I hope I will be like Hannah.... no, I'm kidding on that. I know she isn't real and even if she was, i wouldn't want to be her. But I do think that when you want to do it right, there are always a million voices trying to persuade you to go this way and that way and it can become very difficult not to get lost. And what is really scary is that thought that sometimes you do have to lose. Sometimes it doesn't go the way you hoped. Sometimes all of that work and sweat and tears that you sacrificed on the journey, amount to nothing more than a whopping life lesson. Sometimes they don't change a thing. Except for this... the blisters. Each trial, and the work that goes into it, gives you blisters and burns that eventually turn into callouses. Not the bad kind that make you too hardened. I am talking the kind of calluses you need to play guitar, rock climb, garden,etc. The kind of calluses that help you tolerate the pain and pressure so that you can do what you need to do and even enjoy it. Maybe that is what life is... building callouses to better endure the spiritual battles. Who knows? Not me. I am just a 28 year old gal who watches Hannah Montana for fun and even manages to derive a life lesson from it. Trust me... do NOT take my word for it.