Knowing that "No" is the way to go. Fo sho.

The other day I had to make a lesson plan on social skills for my class. We drew topics at random and mine was how to teach children to accept "no". There were some steps that they gave me that included looking someone in the eye, saying "okay" and asking questions later. Seems simple enough right? I have a 3 year old, folks, in my house "no" causes nuclear meltdowns and Oscar-worthy dramatics.  And, as it turns out, it doesn't get easier as an adult. Some of us adults are big babies when we don't get our way. I include myself in this pile. I may not throw myself on the stairs and stomp my foot but I have been known to do some pretty dramatic inner monologuing, ranting and even crying.

I have a funny story for you to drive this post home. Last week, after I picked the boy up from school, we were running errands and Luke informed me that he was "starbing" (this is a new word for him so he is "starbing" all the time). He saw a McDonalds out the window and politely asked to go to the store for some chicken nuggets and apples. Because we were headed to Wal Mart, which happens to have a McDonalds in it, I agreed. But when I turned at the light and did not head for the McDonalds he had his eye on, the tears started flowing.  I tried to explain that nuggets were forthcoming, but that we would get them in a different location. This did not do the trick. It had to be that McDonalds because that was the one he could see and therefore, it was the only one that existed.  It was only when we pulled in to the parking lot and the golden arches came in to view that he stopped crying long enough to exclaim, "ohhhh, they have nuggets here too." And the world made sense again.

Isn't that just like humans to get so narrowly focused on what we want? With limited knowledge comes the belief that what is in front of us, the tangible things in the here and now, are all there is.  I want what I can see out of my window. And I want it now, while it is still right in front of me. Because to me, out of sight= out of the realm of possibility. Opportunity missed. Chance lost.

Luke likes to cry when he doesn't get what he wants and he usually gets sent to the stairs for time out. We started this when he was little and he would get told that he had to sit on the stairs until he had calmed down and stopped crying. Now that he is 3, there are greater consequences to being defiant. Now he has an actual time out that is not dependent on whether there are tears or not. But he hasn't quite grasped this yet. He will shout from the stairs, "Mommy, I'm done crying" and expect to be let off the hook. Sometimes he magically stops crying on the way to the stairs or as my mouth says the word "stairs" and he hopes this will keep him from serving his time. But the punishment is for the attitude, not the emotion.

Why can't we get what we want? And why are the authorities in life denying us this joy? That never gets easier to understand. And neither does the fact that simply changing our attitude about it won't make it right. Just because we get strong and wipe our face, doesn't mean the answer becomes "yes". The answer is not dependent upon our reaction to it. I think it is funny that I am meant to teach children how to do this when I am failing at this myself. Maybe if I try looking God in the face, saying "okay" and asking questions later things will get easier for me. At the very least it might save me a trip to the stairs.