Just Not Feeling It

Under normal circumstances I consider myself a glass half-full kind of girl. I understand the reality of life and what I call the always and nevers. For instance, you can NEVER make everyone happy or your friends won't ALWAYS agree with you. I am not naive enough to think that every story has a happy ending or that people get out what they out into something. In fact, I tend to get annoyed with books, movies and TV shows that portray ideal situations because that isn't reality. In reality, people get hurt when they take chances. In reality, the person you like sometimes doesn't feel the same. In reality, you can be the best at something and still lose. In reality, you can devote your whole life to one thing and then get it and still not be happy. But despite all this, I am usually still optimistic and hopeful. I get the reality but I tend to focus on the possibility.

However, today is not one of those days. Well, that's not really accurate. Today has been somewhat of a mixed bag of emotions and thoughts. Someone dear to my heart lost something precious today. This person lost the baby that she was carrying with hopeful expectations. It is a time of sorrow and questioning. The circumstances seem exceedingly cruel to me. I know that God gives and takes away. But even I, who has complete faith in His plans, sometimes questions why? I spoke with this person today and in her tears she said "these things happen" and "it will be OK". And what I want to say is that yes, it will be OK. Wounds heal and life goes on. There is strength in facing circumstances and embracing the pain without letting it consume you.

I have been hit hard by this situation today. I admit that I am crying as I type this. It is so unbelievably hard to watch someone you love go through such pain. But it is also so encouraging to watch them rise above it.

In my life I have had the honor of being blessed with friends who truly care. And not just care, but encourage. Lately, I have found that when I voice my need for help, help comes. Today, I told a friend that I was having a hard time and they responded with scripture. How lucky I am to have friends who love me enough to speak the truth. This friend referred me to Psalms 63 which says, in verses 7 and 8,

Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

And also to Psalm 138, versus 3 and 7-8:

When I called, you answered me;you made me bold and stouthearted.

and

8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love, O LORD, endures forever—

do not abandon the works of your hands.

I am thankful for these words. And even as I read them and type I am becoming emotional by the promises in them. You may read this and feel something different or they may not mean the same thing to you. But to me they show that there is a help, an answer and a purpose in my life and that even though I don't see it, it is there. And when you feel alone or "cursed" or punished, take heart that you have not been abandoned. The work is still being done.

Emotionally, I am working through some stuff tonight and I admit that some of that feeling may be getting in the way of the point I am trying to make. Either way, it has been cathartic for me to process my grief in this way.