It's Potty Time!

In the life of every child there comes a point where it's time to put on the big boy underpants. For my son, that time is now. You guessed it, it's potty training time. After a pretty rough start things are moving pretty well. I can almost see the finish line now and there are mixed feelings. On the one hand I am pleased that there will be no more diapers, which means no more ridiculous amount of dollars spent on buying said diapers. And yet, this also means that I do not have a baby anymore, but a big boy. It's funny, I can remember Luke as a newborn, but I have forgotten what his fingers felt like and how his skin smelt. All the traces of being a baby are leaving him right along with his dependence on me. And this is a tough pill for a mom to swallow. I like being needed. I may not be Super Mom but I am pretty good at being Luke's mom. To know that there are more and more things that he wants to do himself is bittersweet.

To begin this process we had to introduce the potty as a thing of privilege. It had to be seen as a right of passage. After that we did what any self-respecting parent does and we resorted to bribery to get the job done. Of course, we called it incentives, but still. We started with stickers and then when that didn't work we resorted to candy and then when that lost its appeal we moved to toys. And so far, this is working. However, we are maxed out on the toys and the stash has been depleted. Which means, the time for prizes has run out. From this day forward, the act of using the potty is appreciated and expected, but not rewarded. I suspect that this news will not go over well tomorrow when the applause and cheers are the only reward for a job well done. Let this be a lesson in disappointment.
Which brings me to this: in my everyday struggles and life lessons I too face some disappointments and it never seems to get easier. Whether you are 2 or 20-something, it doesn't feel good to expect something and receive nothing. In my relationships with people, I think I sometimes expect the pat on the backs, the thank yous and the rewards. As someone I know says, " do you want a star or a cookie?". And the truth is that sometimes I do want recognition for a job well done. I want to know that others recognize that I tried and succeeded. Yes, I know that this is not necessarily a good thing that I speak of. I should not do things for recognition. My motive for doing things for others should not be to receive something in return. Then why do I get so annoyed when people don't respond to a kind word, a thoughtful gesture or an act of generosity? It is a good question and one that I am trying to find the answer to as I look within myself.

But what I do know is that sometimes there are tasks or challenges in life that God places in our path to help us "grow up". At times there are definitive moments where He wants us to prove our faithfulness and to show that we are maturing and learning how to walk with Him. And like a child, I sometimes expect an incentive or a reward for my troubles. I search for that trophy that shows the world that I have overcome. But often it is not there. Most of the time the reward is that I get to grow closer to God and depend on Him more. This is an internal and eternal reward. This is worth more than a gold star or a cookie. And eventually I will let this be enough. Eventually I will grow up and learn that this is not a disappointment.