Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?

There has been a theme for this week that revolves around being in want/or need and what to do when that want or need is not met. What do you make of that? I know several people who are going through something hard in their life that does not register as happy-making on the feelings scale. In fact, some of these situations are producing some major pain, heartache, disappointment and confusion. And these are situations without human answers, things that make you say "hmmm". As a person who is a problem solver in her inner core, this lack of answers does not resonate well for me. I want to locate a solution and make it happen. I need to connect A to B so that it equals PEACE. Therefore, I am hurting alongside those who hurt this week and I am questioning with you and for you.

I know this is not foreign to many of you but God gives and He takes away. No one likes to focus on that last part because we see God as someone who loves and cares for us. Why then does He not give us the things we want? Even His word says that he longs to give us the desires of our hearts. So why am I watching my friends and family grieve for the closed doors and windows in their life? Shouldn't those that are faithful get the things that they desire most?

Well they certainly would if this were a 30 minute sitcom or if God were a Zoltar machine that spit out granted wishes. But this is REAL life and answers are not always visible to the naked eye. I firmly believe that God wants our desires to be His desires and vice versa. And when that happens then He wants to give those things to us. But they have to match. It's like a giant game of Memory. When the two images match then you get to keep the cards. Still, it hurts something fierce to be denied the things we really want. That gets taught at age 2 when you want every toy on the toy aisle and you hear the dreaded word "NO!". It shatters us. Because we think we deserve to get it all. Because if they loved you, you would. Really? Here is a song I found this week that I have heard many times but echoed deeper and wider this week because I was wrestling through these thoughts.

Send some rain, would You send some rain?

'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again

And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You

How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude

A lesson learned to hunger after You

That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead

And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between

What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace

Move our hearts to hear a single beat

Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not, not today

Peace might be another world away

And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to trust in You

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or in need

And if You never grant us peace
But Jesus, would You please . . .

I think the answer here is that we change our focus and our perspective. We learn to take the "no" in life and be grateful for what it may be teaching us. God is the ultimate parent and He doesn't want a spoiled brat of a child any more than we do. So, he shuts a few doors and ignores a few requests and says NO every once in a while. Too bad we can't pick the whens and hows of this. But a friend referred me to Isaiah 55:8-9 this week which says (in paraphrase) that God's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. So I guess He has the credentials to handle our every situation. He doesn't need our problem solving skills or even our input. And our tantrum isn't necessary either. But sometimes it does help. Occasionally it can be frustrating. It is what it is. And we can live in the hurt or find beauty in the alternative. I know this is easier said than done. And to those who are hurting, I don't diminish your pain. I write this to make sense of it myself. All this being said, I think it is like the last line of the song... you may not get what you want, or what you think you need... but it never hurts to ask.

***song is "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman***