3 balls and 2 strikes

OK, well this is my second day and also my second post. I have spent my day evaluating all of the things that have happened to me and wondering if there is anything of substance in those events that I can write about on my blog. And it turns out... my days aren't really that exciting.
But as I turned on the TV tonight I caught the Astros game. It was the bottom of the 8th inning. And Berkman was at bat with 3 balls and 2 strikes. Pretty exciting stuff. And the hopes of an entire team, an entire stadium and an entire city are riding on the timing and talent of this one guy. Talk about pressure. But I got to thinking about what it must feel like when you swing that bat and let all those people down. And the answer I came up with is that it feels like a rock and a hard place. And that feeling felt familiar.
I realized that I have spent the last few months feeling like I was living between that huge rock and that very hard place. And I am sweating and swinging and just striking out left and right. Now, I am not playing for die-hard fans, but I am playing for the success of my future. I am playing for the hope of a better tomorrow, quite literally. And right now in my life, I am up against 3 balls and 2 strikes in a tied game. And it is unbelievable pressure to win.

And as I was thinking about all of this... Berkman went to bat again, and he walked. Fast forward a few innings later and the Astros were celebrating a victory. And it was sweet. And all of Houston rejoiced. And I took away this nugget: occasionally we are put in a hard situation and everything in us tells us not to swing that bat, because then we might fail. But... if we surrender to the idea that God is good ALL the time - then we can step up to the plate with confidence. Sometimes we will get a hit, sometimes we may strike out, or even walk... but occasionally, we will get the satisfaction of hitting that home run and running at full speed toward sweet victory. And we will rejoice. I think that I am wanting to get to that mind set where I can stand up and swing with all of my might and trust in His timing and talent to take over. And when that happens, victory is certain. It may not happen this inning, or this game... but it will happen. And that is hope.

I am not what you would call a "sporty" girl. So if any of these baseball references are incorrect I apologize. I just call it like I see it.

Blog-Virgin

So I feel like I should be standing up in front of a group and saying, " Hi, my name is Leslie, and I have never blogged before". I have read a few blogs. I like blogs. I just have never considered myself the "blogging" type. And then today I was reading my friend Sara's blog and I was suddenly overcome by a desire to begin my blogging experience. So here I am. And I guess I am not quite sure what to say and I am feeling 100% certain that no one would care. To get over that complex, I have told myself that it doesn't matter if no one reads this because I am writing it for me. And anyone else who may find this mildly interesting is just an added bonus.

Where to begin? My life in the last five years has been this series of moments that have added up to more life experiences than I had in the 23 years before that. It is a testament of faith, love and sheer stubbornness that has enabled me to get here. And "here" is in the middle of a life-altering crisis of faith, love and will. I am not ready to share the specifics just yet, but what I can say is that this process has both shaken the structure of my life and also strengthened my foundation. Definitely one of those "afflictions" that the Bible talks about that we should rejoice over and find joy in, but ultimately feels like a punch in the metaphorical baby maker and a poke in the proverbial eye.

Hopefully I can use this blog as a hitching post for my thoughts and feelings. Today, I feel at peace. I have just stepped off of the ledge of a major decision and I am feeling relief and confidence and just... goodness. That is a nice feeling. Sort of an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time. And I like it. I feel like I am over that long and rugged uphill climb and now I am finally feeling the breeze on my face and the rush of exhilaration and freedom that comes with the downhill glide. I think I am finally enjoying the ride. Thanks to all of those who watched me struggle up that hill and who held my hand and wiped my brow and told me those warm-fuzzies that kept me going. This blog's for you! You guys complete me.