Voice of Truth

It seems like it has been a while since I added my two sense on this
blog page, and I have missed it. Since my last post I have had so much
life happen. My schedule this semester keeps me moving and shaking and
without much time for anything that would be considered leisurely or
fun. Thankfully, my semester is nearly over and I can taste the fresh
air in my lungs that will come with getting to stop and breathe again.
It has been a long journey to becoming a teacher but the road is
becoming so much shorter and brighter. I have to remind myself to keep
on keeping on.

Other things have been happening as well. I have put my fragile heart
through the ringer. It has survived, but I do admit that it still
hurts. Opening yourself up to relationships and trusting others means
making yourself vulnerable and risking getting hurt and disappointed.
Is it better to guard your heart and never have it known? Or to open
it up and let someone all the way in? I don't know what is best but I
know that I am one of those latter people who lives with her heart on
her sleeve and her emotions on her face. So I tell you all that I have
been really sad. And mad. And hurt. This week I have been flirting
with anger and frustration. I have felt deep emotions in response to
being in uncomfortable waters and uncontrollable situations. This too
shall pass.

But then a crazy thing happened. I started to pray. And not for this
thing or that thing, but for God to just do His thing. I didn't want
direction but a revelation, of who He was and what He was making me to
be. In every persons life there are moments when we decide what to do
and be. We choose to be happy in pain, to rejoice in sadness, to keep
trying when it gets hard or to listen instead of talk. I have decided
to stop trying to force my will and be a willing participant of His
instead. Its going to happen anyway, so why fight it?

Lately, I have felt more of a peace about the things that are going on
inside and outside of me. I wouldn't say that I always love them, or
like them, but I have found a space where I can relax and let them
just be. Not looking for a way out but seeing what there is to see
within them and through them. I would say it has helped. I I want to
know what tomorrow brings and where it will take me. But I can't. I
just know where I am today and, if I am asking, where I am meant to be
today. If I focus on that, and take baby steps, then I will end up
exactly where I am meant to be.

These things I think I need, I don't. I always seem to get exactly
what I need. So if it isn't coming, its because I don't need it. At
least, not right now. This is a hard lesson. Especially for this type
A girl. But I am telling you this to say that I am feeling confident
in my future and the path I know I am on. I am meant to be here and I
sense it is leading me to something big and wonderful. Now I just need
to trust that and enjoy the process of getting from here to there. I'm
trying. Day by precious day. To be in THIS moment. Right now. Not
reliving yesterday or hoping for tomorrow but finding the treasures in
the present.