Well howdy blogger friends! I know it has been a while and I offer no excuses this time. A lot of things are happening in my life that are very, very good. After going through a spell where things were pretty bleak, I wondered if I would feel good again. I hoped for it, and I prayed for it, but in the midst of it all it seemed a distant wish. That is the tricky part about feelings, they are only as strong as your current situation and surroundings. But facts, those you can rely on. And the fact of the matter was/is, that God IS good and blessings DO come. Even in the fire - but certainly on the other side of it.And what I want to tell you is that things have been good for a while. This is not a new revelation, just a gentle reminder. It gets so easy to overlook the magnitude of your blessings and to coast through with a subconscious acceptance of them. But today I am feeling overwhelmed by the goodness in my life.
A couple of weeks ago, I became officially divorced. And while I understand your need to give condolences, please don't. Yes, it is sad that an institution ordained by God was ended by the will of man. I get that. And I am saddened that the wishes I had for my future did not happen. However, this is not a sad time for me. I soaked every step in prayer and waited for God to speak. And while I know He HATES divorce, I also know that He doesn't hate me for doing it. This is a gray area for a lot of people and I know it can be a hard pill to swallow. But... I feel 100% at peace with the way things have turned out and I know that in my faithfulness I have been set free. My faith led me through the desert to streams of mercy. And you know what? I was forever changed. God does provide, even in the wind and rain. And I found out that the saying is true: what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. Someone recently told me that we are not victims of God's will. And what that means to me is that there is a purpose in everything. And it is bigger and better than I can comprehend. It is not happening TO me, but FOR me. And this changes everything.
I often wonder about the choices I make and I do a lot of thinking and analyzing before I make them. It is the curse of women to evaluate and re-evaluate the meaning out of something. I worry sometimes about my son and how my choices will affect him. Even when you are certain of things, there is that doubt inside that threatens your peace. But over the weekend my son was with his dad and his grandparents and when they brought him back to me they gave me this treasure: my son randomly told them, "my mommy is happy". This was unprovoked and out of the blue. And it was also repeated several times. What a sweet and huge blessing to know that my good choices are having as much of an impact as the ones that I worry about. If my 2 year old can look and see that there is joy in my heart, then I know that I am seeking the right things. I am filled with awe at how God can shake up a life and strip it of certainty and rebuild something so much stronger and whole. It was a process and it will continue to be for my whole life. But the products of tasting and seeing are well worth it.
To all those who know me and the deepest desires and worries of my heart, thank you for your prayers and kindness. You have blessed me ten-fold by merely loving me through EVERY season of my life.
