Quack Attack

So, I'm back! I know that you readers are just jumping in excitement. As well you should be because over the last few days my heart and my head have been working in overdrive, trying to figure this life out. And the realization I've come to is that I will never be able to figure this life out. And just when I think I'm getting close, there are loops and curve balls to keep me on my toes. But don't you worry, because while my life map did not unveil itself I did pick up a few treasures along the way. And, of course, I would love nothing more than to talk my way through them.
So, one thing that has become glaringly obvious is how difficult it is for me to follow. I am a leader. Always have been and probably always will be. So when the time comes for me to sit back and let others lead, I do not handle it all that well. This is true for all things, even my relationship with God. I tend to believe that I know the best way, the rightest answer and the most fool-proof methods.
Also, I'm not very patient. When I know what I want, I get very one-track minded. This is not necessarily good. The reason being is that I can get so focused on the want that I forget to ask if its what I need. I have been trying that a little more lately and finding that occassionally, I get lucky and those things are the same. But sometimes not. Right now, I am in serious prayer about some serious things and I am realizing that I am making them so much more dramatic and complicated than they need to be. God isn't trying to trick me or entice me. He doesn't need to. He knows what I need and when and all I have to do is listen and trust.
I have felt some joy and peace recently, amid confusion and it is because I have sought and asked for it. And it has come. It has come because I stopped clinging so tightly to what I wanted and decided to open up my hands and surrender, knowing full well that God will provide.
The last thing I want to say is that I am learning not to be a duck. Ducks get together and just quack, quack, quack about things. And all it amounts to is a lot of noise. If you look for things to be unhappy about and focus on things that make you grumble and quack then you set yourself up for being deeply unhappy. So, I'm steering clear of the duck pond and focusing on those things I know are good. My life is good, right now, no matter what. And I need to remember that. Because all I know for sure is this moment, not the future. And so I want to cease this moment and all it has to offer. Its like that Bible story about the servants who were given the money. Some buried it so that they could wait and save it, and the master said that was not good. But one used his and multiplied it and it was seen as good for him to take what he was given and make the most of it. This is what is coming to the front of my mind right now, as I am praying through things. I want to be responsible with what I've been given so that God will see that I can handle more.