I Need You Like a Hurricane

"... beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up... and it will." - Birdee Pruitt in "Hope Floats"



For the last few minutes I have been sitting here staring at the screen, fingers perched over the keys, waiting for the words to come. And it is almost like a log jam is happening in my brain. There is so much substance trying to come through all at once that the result is a whole lot of nothing is actually getting through. Occasionally this does happen to me and it usually happens when I am stressed. I know, I know - I shouldn't stress, or worry, or be anxious for anything. And in an ideal world I would not sweat the small stuff or the big stuff or anything in between. But then again, in an ideal world there would be nothing to sweat, would there? As it is, I live in reality (well, most of the time anyway) and sometimes in my world small stuff becomes big stuff and the big stuff can become a bit overwhelming.



See the thing is I am really great when it comes to being solo. I am really quite stellar when I work alone. And honestly, there are times when I prefer it. I know that I will do things according to my standard and so I tend to volunteer to do things and fill my plate to the top so that I can be in control and so that all my expectations are met. In that way, I won't be disappointing anyone else (only myself) and also, no one will be disappointing me. For me, it is just easier to trust myself.



But man was created singularly and God saw that it was not good for him to be alone. And in my life i know that the same is true for me. My friends and family have buoyed me in choppy waters and have filled my heart with joy and laughter. I would not wish them away if I could. But, the thing about letting people in is that sometimes they hurt and disappoint you. Occasionally they say and do things that leave you reeling from pain. I am reeling today because someone in my life failed to reach the bar I have set for them. Should I lower my standards? Allow them to be less than they can be? Or do I forgive and hope for the best? I am shrugging my shoulders at this because I just don't know. I know what I want to do and I know what I need to do and I am waiting for that magic moment when they become the same thing. And that is the hope that I cling to - that I know will eventually rise to the top - that trusting in God will never let me down.



"It's been six days and we're all still waiting- waiting for someone to come. Well, what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out... Last week most of us were strangers. But we're all here now, and God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together... we're going to die alone." - Dr. Jack Shephard on "Lost"