Did you hear the one about...

Ok, this is going to be brutally honest - because I think it is a topic that needs brutal honesty. I say that more to myself than anyone else because I know that I get sucked in to the gossip vortex on a daily basis. And the thing is that I don't really want to be there, and I know I shouldn't be there, but if you dance around the edge long enough then you get swept up just the same.

So, I guess it is clear that I am talking about gossip in this post. Being a female, I consider myself to be somewhat of an authority on the topic. That's not to say that being female= being a gossip. There are plenty of stronger women than I, when it comes to this particular weakness. But, I know that for me gossip is one of those slippery little shadows that creeps right in when you aren't looking and infests a conversation.

Here are the different definitions/justifications that I have heard about gossip:

I used to think that if I was talking about someone out of love and kindness than it wasn't gossip. I guess the rationale was that the sentiment behind the talk cancelled out the wrongness of it. Recently, I heard someone explain gossip this way, "if I wouldn't say it to someones face, then I shouldn't say it when they aren't here". Another girl I know said something to the effect that if the person you are talking to doesn't know the person you are talking about, then how is that gossip. And still another person (me), used the excuse that I was merely venting about how someone made me feel - emphasis on me, not them. And of course, there is the old stand by of masking gossip for prayer requests. So right off of the top of my head, I listed four or five good reasons and justifications for gossip, and those are just the ones I have done or heard within the last month. Basically, if you need justification than it is out there.

But what I have been hit with lately is the idea that even painted up garbage is still garbage and that is what gossip is - it is garbage. We can paint it up anyway we would like and razzle-dazzle it all day, but underneath all that justification is still garbage. Just that word justification is a red flag to me. To "justify" something means to "defend" something. I typically do not defend myself unless I feel threatened. And why shouldn't I feel threatened by the act of gossip? It goes against the very essence of who God wants me to be. To be spiritually "justified", means to be made righteous from sin by a Holy God. So in that essence, I suppose we have it right - we do need "justification" for gossip.

I know I am coming across as preachy on this topic and I am not intending to. Well, maybe I am - but it is only because God has really been working on me in this area for some time. And having clawed my way through understanding, it is my desire to share what I've learned. And that is this: that nothing good can ever come of talking negatively about another person. Period. If you think about it, what good does it serve. What is the greater purpose in sharing those sentiments? I admit that not that long ago I went to a friend with a concern I had about someone elses behavior and how it was affecting me. And in his wisdom, my friend stopped me in my tracks and asked me to stop talking about that situation. His reasoning was that he felt that my story was causing him to have a negative impression of the person I was referring to. I had wanted to be understood and heard, but I didn't realize what my need was doing to the reputation of that other person.

I so greatly appreciate the words of that friend in that moment because they have stuck with me and I have remembered them and passed them on. There is so much truth in those words. If we are to let no unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, if we are to be edifying and encouraging to one another - then where does that leave us when it comes to gossip. It leaves us on the defensive, because it just doesn't match God's plan for us. Regardless of our concern, or our feelings, nothing I say about someone else should change another person's opinion of them. Our words are so powerful and so piercing. Even to those who don't hear them. It is like that little bot of yeast the Bible talks about that works it's way through the bread and eventually taints the whole thing. Or like that old game of telephone that starts out innocent and simple and travels through a billion filters to end up miles away from the original meaning.

There are a lot of words in this post- even looking at them I know it seems like a bit of a soap box. I have wanted to say something about gossip for a long time. And I guess this comes pretty close to what I wanted to say. I have been the victim of gossip as surely as I have initiated it. So I am preaching directly into the ear of the choir on this one, with a very loud microphone. But, I know what it is like to want to trust people and to desire someone to talk to and befriend. And when you open up to people you want to trust that they are giving you the benefit of the doubt and seeing you in the best possible light. And you want to trust that even when you aren't there, and when you can't hear, that they are defending you and affirming you. The alternative is just ugly and hurtful, and also the very definition of gossip. Just food for thought.