Trying to get up that great big hill

A friend told me today that they know a lot of people who blog, and that there is not enough time to read everyone's posts. And this is okay with them because most of their friend's posts are just about their kids. And while I love my son to the tips of my fingertips, I know that there is more to me than being a mommy. So, for the sake of my friend's reading pleasure, and for those others who secretly feel the same, here is a sample of the thoughts that go through my head...

I am not what you would call "athletic". I jog and I enjoy physical activities, but I would never do cross country or a marathon and I would never EVER do hurdles. At least not in the physical sense. But lately, I have been going through some life hurdles. It can become quite daunting and cumbersome to be looking down the road of your life and seeing the potholes and hurdles in your path. But the real kicker are the unforeseen hurdles, the ones that come up on you awfully quick and threaten to trip you up. I am not a fan of those.

Sometimes it feels like I have completed a huge journey, climbed up that huge hill, and made it through the desert to the water... only to find that there is another bend in the road, or that the water was just a mirage. But that is life. Occasionally you get what you want, but it takes work and dedication and a lot of determination. And none of it would ever get done without motivation. Currently, my motivation in life is living for God. And this sounds "churchy" but what I mean is that I realize that there is a God that is in control of this life and who wants the best for me. And when I work alongside Him and allow Him to move in and through me, then GREAT things happen. Things that I could never do on my own or even imagine possible. And this is hope. This is knowing that there is something bigger and better and that all of this... life... is a means to an end. All of the pain and heartache and ups and downs are just a road to what is meant for me. And I don't know what it is. But I am determined to get there.

Some people call it walking the straight and narrow. Or even choosing the road less travelled by. And I suppose that I am making choices that many would call insane and most do not understand. But I make them with a belief that they are right. This path I am on appears very untraveled. In fact, sometimes I feel lost and alone in a foreign land. But I have friends and I have family who love me and who motivate me to follow my gut and lead my heart. And so I am motivated to take that next step and to keep moving and jumping... but today, I feel the exhaustion.

Today I feel worn out from all these hurdles. I need rest. Which is why I am thrilled to be going on vacation next week. I am going camping with my family. And I couldn't be more excited. The timing is superb. Tomorrow will bring new mercies and new strength. And I am confident that my hope will remain and that my strength will endure. That is the joy in believing that I am not in control. But that doesn't mean that today doesn't hurt... or that there will not be tears tonight. I guess all of this was on my heart and I wanted to share the journey of my emotions and the condition of my spirit. I know I tend to lean towards the dramatic, and I am not depressed or stressed... I am just worn out, emotionally. I have been hit hard by life, in a way that I never expected and didn't prepare for. And on some days I need to remember to refill my cup and to recharge my battery before I deplete my energy. And that is where my faith and those I love come in. They fuel me for this joureny of life. They create happy days in the middle of the storm. They remind me that even on the hard days... my cup runneth over.